Nation, this just got serious. The late-night wars are alive again, but this time there's no Conan in sight—just Jimmy Fallon, Stephen Colbert and our old friends Ben & Jerry. And Jon Stewart.
And while we saw this coming the minute Colbert's Americone Dream had to make shelf space for Late Night Snack, the Fallon-centric flavor announced this week, we had no idea things would get so heated. Or icy.
On last night's Colbert Report—with echoes of the throwdown showdown shared between a writers' strike-era Colbert, Stewart and O'Brien—Fallon appeared on the Comedy Central show to square off against his frozen-dairy foe and decide once and for all who's creamy concoction was the best.
"Fallon, there's room for only one ice cream in late night," Colbert bellowed, melt-assisting hair dryer in hand. "So cancel your flavor, or I will turn Late Night Snack into Late Night Slop, which I believe is Chelsea Handler's flavor."
Low blow? Sure. But they got lower once Fallon appeared, pint in hand.
"You're ice cream is actually pretty good, for 12:30," Colbert taunted. "It's just not ready for the 11:30 time slot yet."
"You're ice cream's pretty good, too," came the reply. "As a palate cleanser for Tosh.0."
The best came next.
"You're ice cream is like a Jimmy Fallon SNL sketch. Halfway through you break down laughing and you can't finish it."
Almost as if on cue, Fallon began to break, but mustered up enough sobriety to deliver the following retort, "Well, you're ice cream is like your cameo in Bewitched. I don't have an insult, I just want to remind people you were in Bewitched."
At that, both men called in back up: "Lead-ins, assemble!"
Out sprang Jon Stewart, bat in hand. But when Jay Leno was called, well, guess Conan's not the only one who needs to watch his back.
Or maybe, like Stewart, he was just confused.
"Are we fighting Fallon? I thought we were fighting diabetes…I don't know what I'm doing in a fight with you two ice cream barons," the flavorless host said, drawing awws from the crowd.
"I'm gonna go home and eat my own ice cream, The Daily Sherbet with Jon Stewberry."
Hey, as pitches go, that's not bad. (The same can't be said for the outcome of Fallon and Colbert's ice cream-eating contest.) You listening, Ben & Jerry?