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    Robert Pattinson Wears Reptiles, Admires Charlie Sheen in Vanity Fair

    Robert Pattinson, Vanity Fair Annie Leibovitz/Vanity Fair

    All you Twi-hards need to untwist your panties after that nonsense story, the one about Kristen Stewart kissing some dude who looks nothing like the fierce Crocodile Dundee on the cover of Vanity Fair's April issue. Now you can get back to wishing you were this croc wrapped around Robert Pattinson's shoulders.

    Yuck, but as much as we would love to drool over our fave hunk, Rob's rubbing up to a reptilian doesn't turn us on per usual:

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    It's weird, in all the wrong, scaly places. Good thing we did love what he spilled about inside the pages of the mag.

    K. Stew, compulsive eating, Charlie Sheen. We'll let a creepy cover slide for those three any day. Since they are so ridiculously perfect in summing up this stud!

    You don't even have to read between the lines of VF's interview with Rob to see he is totally smitten with Kris and her movie-making skills. And not to mention, he's dying for some alone time with his babe.

    "When this is over," Pattinson says about his Twi-fame, "the media will lose interest [in the relationship]. There'll be nothing to say. It won't fit into a headline anymore. It won't fit into a template."

    Lies!

    Robsten will always fit the tween template, as much as some of us semi-wish Rob's feelings were the bitter truth.

    While Rob talked about wishing he could catch a break, a random fact about him that no one knew, and we totally admire, is that he's an emo eater like the best of us. Yes, he told the mag that pretzel M&M's are his weakness (aside from K.Stew), and that he's bound to be a fatty some day.

    It gets better. Phew. Since we're still trying to look away from that Dundee doo-doo of cover! Only Mr. Sheen himself could save this.

    "I like crazy people who don't give a f--k," dished Pattinson, who says he watches (and will stay watching) reruns of Two and a Half Men in his trailer. He must get the potty mouth from the gf, huh?

    Either way, we love how he's weirdly Team Sheen. Wonder if he follows him on Twitter? We digress.

    Something else the two-time Vanity Fair cover boy spills in his interview is the cross country road trip all your Robsten lovers were in a tizzy about. Remember, he fibbed about the real reason he was making the journey—it's all about Kristen, duh.

    Pattinson's favorite part about the trip? That nobody in Lubbock, Texas knew the ef he was. Turns out, Twilight's poster boy isn't a fan of his mega-fame at all. Man do we love us some modest men! Must be the Charlie Sheen in him? Jokes, jokes.

    Anyways, we're glad R. Pattz still has some secrets to spill. Now if only he would lose the reptile and unbutton some of those buttons.

    VIDEO: Check out Rob's sort of Oscar debut

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