Well, yes, unless you count the Sheen Machine himself.
"I'm a nobleman, I'm chivalrous," he declared on Good Morning America. "I am on a drug, it's called Charlie Sheen. It's not available, if you try it once you will die."
He quickly delved into his thoughts on the indefinite hiatus of his sitcom, but denied that he was angry about the turn of events—in fact, throughout both interviews, Charlie routinely dismissed any suggestion that anger was an emotion that ever played into his behavior.
"Yeah, I was actually disappointed, because I thought the mistakes I made is that people misinterpret my passion for anger," he said in between drags of his cigarette before revealing his plans to sue the network.
"It's gonna cost them a lot more because they're on a battlefield. And they let their emotions and their ego…basically they strapped on their diapers. They're in breach. They're in radical breach."
When asked to confirm if he's going to file a lawsuit against them, he responded, "Wouldn't you? I don't have a job."
"People beyond myself, people a lot more important than me, are relying on that."
So what's he suing for? "Tons." So at least he's thought that through.
One part of his behavior he did show remorse for were his comments about Lorre, whom he referred to as "Haim Levine," saying he was "really upset" that people misinterpreted his words to be something anti-Semitic.
"I feel terrible about it. People who know me know there's nothing about that in my history, anywhere." But while he's upset with the way his message was delivered, he seems to stand by the content.
"I would say I'm sorry if I offended you, I didn't know you were so sensitive. Sorry if I offended you. I thought after you were wailing on me for eight years, I could take a few shots back, didn't know you were gonna take your little ball and go home," he said of Lorre.
When the speculation about whether or not he suffered from bipolar disorder was brought up, Sheen seemed aghast, denying it, but admitting that his brain "fires in a way that is not maybe from this particular terrestrial realm.
"Bipolar? I'm biwinning. I win here and I win there, now what?" he said. "I have one gear, go. I'm me. I'm different. I have a different constitution. Dying's for fools."
Sheen, who said he's been receiving calls of good will—but not, he made clear, advice—from Mel Gibson, Colin Farrell and Sean Penn, also discussed when he last used drugs—albeit not until he gave his view on the term.
"I use a blender, I use a vacuum cleaner…when was the last time I ingested or took drugs? 'Used' is such an AA stupid expression. I don't remember. Maybe a month ago…six weeks ago. Just a couple days before the suits rolled in and said change it, we're shutting it down."
Now, he says, he's "answered to a higher calling" and is confident he will not relapse.
"No, not going to. Period. The end. I blinked and I cured my brain. Can't is the cancer of happen."
Which isn't to say he doesn't remember his spiraling days fondly.
"I expose people to magic, I expose them to something they're never otherwise going to experience in their normal, boring lives. I may forget about it tomorrow, but they're going to live with that memory the rest of their lives. That's a gift, man."
Just to prove how serious he was about his sobriety, he even allowed GMA to conduct two drug tests on him Saturday afternoon, a urine test and a blood test, which tested for nine and 10 drugs, respectively. He tested negative for each.
It was then on to Today, where much of the same was discussed, along with the new nearly unbelievable bombshell that Sheen thinks he is now worthy of a massive raise.