If so, that's a world we want no part of. And apparently neither do the royal family, as the best man and maid of honor have just been announced for The Most Important Wedding of Our Time.
And yes, we'll put you out of your misery now: the heir went with the spare.
Clarence House and St. James' Palace, William's official home in London and the only approved deliverer of wedding news, made the announcement this morning, putting an end to the most speculated aspect of the forthcoming wedding.
As for Kate—er, Catherine Middleton—she too is keeping it in the family and has asked her younger sister Philippa Middleton (Pippa, to all you tabloid readers) to serve as her maid of honor. Or rather, maid of honour. Pinkies up, everyone.
And just in case anyone was hoping that the latest announcement would contain a clue as to what wedding dress designer Kate will be donning for her April 29 walk down the aisle, well, she's already on to you. And isn't falling for it. No information on the style or designer of the bridesmaid or maid of honor dresses will be given until the actual wedding day. Nice try, though, everybody.
In addition, the rest of the wedding party has also been filled out, and, lest we forget the class of people we're dealing with here, contains more titles than your nearest bookshelf.
Here's the list of bridesmaids and page boys who will be joining the future throne-sitters come this spring:
• The Lady Louise Windsor, 7 (daughter of the Earl and Countess of Wessex)
• The Honorable Margarita Armstrong-Jones, 8 (daughter of Viscount and Viscountess Linley)
• Miss Grace van Cutsem, 3 (daughter of Mr. and Mrs. Hugh van Cutsem; goddaughter to William)
• Miss Eliza Lopes, 3 (daughter of Mr. and Mrs. Harry Lopes)
• Master William (Billy) Lowther-Pinkerton, 10 (son of Mr. and Mrs. Jamie Lowther-Pinkerton)
• Master Tom Pettifer, 8 (son of Mr. and Mrs. Charles Pettifer; godson to William)
In the meantime, for those of you who just can't wait two more months to see William and Kate together, good news: how about waiting just two weeks?
The Prince has been selected to serve as the patron of St. Andrews University for its 600th anniversary. He, along with Middleton, whom he had the pleasure of meeting at the school, will be returning to the Scottish campus together to kick off the festivities on Feb. 25.