Shia LaBeouf

Disney; Frazer Harrison/Getty Images

Dear Ted:
Just saw that Shia LaBeouf got himself into a bit of a drunken bar brawl that was instigated by (in part) being called a "f----t." Question: Does this kind of a reaction to having your sexual orientation challenged reveal anything about whether or not a celebrity is in the closet? If you are straight, wouldn't being called this be easier to dismiss?

Dear Gaydar Police:
All this reveals is that Shia has a bad temper and a drinking problem! The fight really started when Shia refused to take a pic with a fan, so the gal's BF dropped the dreaded word at Shia. Add booze and testosterone to the mix, and you have your standard bar fight—only with boldface names. No matter what insult may have been said, Shia was looking to take a swing at someone. Add to that already combustible recipe, yes, it didn't help anything that anti-gay names were thrown. Shia certainly doesn't want those secrets thought about his protected love life.

Dear Ted:
I was wondering if Madonna has ever been a B.V.? Thanks!

Dear What's Left to Hide:
Between every muckraker around (including her own brother) writing tell-alls, there's not much to spill...right now. Answer is no. My guess is the next Vice arena the Big M has coming—and maybe it's not so far off—would be another book, only this one penned by one of her doc's colleagues, or, more likely, someone else close to her family, i.e. Guy Ritchie's camp, or one of the kids.

Dear Ted:
Does Zsa Zsa Gabor's husband, Prince Von Anhalt, have any dirt on him that needs to be uncovered?

 Dear Prince's Past:
Well, the Prince's track record isn't exactly great, as he's pretty much openly admitted his marriage to Zsa Zsa is not one of romance. Also, in 2007, he announced he was the biological father to Anna Nicole Smith's infant daughter, Dannielynn. When those paternity results came back negative, the Prince found himself in a compromising position when LAPD discovered him naked and handcuffed to a Rolls Royce. Luckily, only his ego was bruised by the "three white women" who robbed him. And the latest? Von Anhalt is running for governor of California! So stay tuned for more gossip—nothing unveils skeletons in the closet like a political campaign!

Dear Ted:
Has Lea Michelle changed after she was revealed to be a raging diva? We know there's at least one other girl on the show that has a named Vice, but do any of the guys? If so, are they of the magnitude that they deserve a name? My rescue kitten, Bubbles, and I really want to know. Cold up north!

Dear Det. Diva:
Of course
, the Glee guys are just as dangerous in the ‘tude department—sometimes more so! And yes, one of the guys is a member of the exclusive Vice club, too. At least one, promise! Hope ya keep warm with Bubbles.

Dear Ted:
I'm confused. In your last Bitch-Back you said Steve Carell didn't have a Blind Vine. Yet, I swear I remember you saying last year that Steve did have a B.V., just not necessarily a recent one. My rescue pup, Jake, remembers this too. What gives? Thanks!

Dear OMG:
Did I say that? Crap, I made a mistake, you and Jake sure are supersharp. Sorry, the Vice is basically so stupid and so long ago, it doesn't really matter anymore. Should I just answer it, already?

Dear Ted:
Kristen Stewart's mystery on-set hookup (besides Robert Pattinson) wouldn't happen to be Jackson Rathbone would it? I know that Jackson and Ashley Greene seemed to have off-camera chemistry, and I wouldn't be the least bit surprised if they hooked up, but I could totally see Kristen going for him, too. Or would she go for someone with as small a role as a human, say Michael Welch?
Emma S.

Dear Stop Drinking:
Clearly, something's addling your brain, babe, ‘cause this is just off. Especially the Jackson part.

Dear Ted:
I'm from Portugal and I love your blog. Today it came on the Portuguese press that Angelina Jolie doesn't like George Clooney and that she considers him an alcoholic and a bad influence to Brad Pitt. Is this true? Will she really mess up the great friendship that Brad and Clooney seem to have (or had)?

Dear Cranky Clooney:
From what we've heard, the latest rumors surrounding the rift between Clooney and Pitt and are oh-so false. These humanitarians have bigger things to worry about. But you are at least smelling something accurate: Angie and George are hardly besties. 

Dear Ted:
Is Dick Wadd Aaron Sorkin? He's the favorite for winning the Best Screenplay Oscar, has had drug problems in the past and I believe he's a New York City rather than an L.A. guy.

Dear Slick Dick:
a great guess, Em, love the way you analyze. You are smart in your reverse figuring on this one out, but no, it's not Aaron. However, it's somebody else who has multiple talents (as well as Vices).

Dear Ted:
After your last Nelly Fang Blind Vice, is it OK if I make a prediction? I predict that Nelly will announce that he's engaged to his girlfriend of one year, after all, isn't Valentine's Day supposed to be their one-year anniversary? Did you notice the convenient photo op they set up?

Dear Gossiping Granny:
I share in your prediction. If not by Valentine's, soon.

Dear Ted:
You've mentioned Fake à la Ferocity's partner. What is his B.V. moniker, if he has one?

Dear Fake 'n' Bake:
Then I might as well friggin' tell you who it is!

Dear Ted:
I just saw a recent picture of Ashlee Simpson and, I'll say it...she looks bad. Like, really bad. What's the deal? My rescue kitty, LeNoir, is curious, as well. She won't stop meowing!

Dear Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow:
We agree, the new hairstyle Simpson is sporting is everything but hot. She looks like some guy doing Barbra Streisand, or something. We know she likes to take her edgy style to the next level, but come on, Ash, this one is more than a bit unflattering. Keep your long locks, girl, you looked gorge!

Dear Ted:
Would it really be surprising to anyone to find out that Dick Wadd is gay? It's not like he is being too careful, here!

Dear Good One:
Score one for the craftiest query of the day! I cannot answer this question under grounds that it would help you more than workouts have helped Taylor Lautner's career.

Dear Ted:
Russell Brand makes my skin crawl. I want to scrub myself with a Brillo pad after seeing photos. I can't imagine he is any better in person. Can you tell me what attracts people to him? I am assuming poor Katy Perry took a hard bump to the head and will come around.

Dear Branded by Brand:
You might not like Brand's appearance, but you can't deny the guy has done some good. After all, he is sober and Katy admits Russell has been a great influence on her life. The two seem head-over-heels in love and we hope they live as happily ever after as they seem! Now that that obligatory crap's outta the way, couldn't agree with you more.

Dear Ted:
You're always buzzing about the Glee cast, but I hardly (if ever) have seen you mention Amber Riley. Would that be because she's better behaved or does she just have a better PR team?

Dear Digging for Glee-ful Dirt:
The latter. To be precise, Amber's crack publicity team has paid Taryn and 1 million bucks to keep quiet.

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