Peter Mountain/Disney Enterprises
Peter Mountain/Disney Enterprises
Was there a "winner" among all the movie trailers shown during the Super Bowl?
—Luke, via in the inbox
It's too soon to know which movie commercials triumphed during the most fumbled, most watched television show, like, ever. Though there are some early indications that Americans really want to get their Captain on (and we're not talking about Johnny Depp's Jack Sparrow):
20. Hop: A rabbit playing the drums is not a trailer. Next.
19. Kung Fu Panda 2: Kaboom of Doom: The sequel to the food-o-phile martial arts cartoon is supposed to feature even more fabulous voice talent the original. But this trailer spotlights only Jack Black. To his credit, his character can do serious damage with a wok. Then again, so does Panda Express.
18. Justin Bieber: Never Say Never: Oh, I'm gonna say it. No, he is not "just like you and me." And no, he is not, as some other toadie in the trailer insists, doing it "all on his own." Go sucker someone else.
17. Rio: No, I do not feel it "in here." Or anywhere. And speaking of feeling it...
16. Just Go With It: I was kind of going with it, right up until the shopworn crotch injury gag.
15. Limitless: Bradley Cooper figures out how to use all of his brain, and now he can cliff dive!
14. Priest: Paul Bettany and Maggie Q hurl everything—from fists to mini-crosses of doom—at their sworn enemy vampires. That's about it.
13. And oh: Swap out the mini-crosses of doom with Roman swords, and you have The Eagle.
12. The Adjustment Bureau: Holy crap. Roger Sterling is controlling my destiny?
11. Transformers 3: Dark of the Moon: Megan Fox is gone, and that new lippy girl does nothing but stare and look vulnerable; the robots look more human.
10. Fast Five: I have no excuse for liking this trailer, but the music was so boppy, and Vin Diesel has returned to form, and can't that be enough?
9. Take Me Home Tonight: It could go either way, it could go Hot Tub Time Machine, or...it could go Hot Tub Time Machine.
8. Rango: Johnny Depp is in it, and the dialog looks smarter than what we saw in the trailer for Rio. That has to count for something.
7. Drive Angry: Sure, Amber Heard gets to fire a gun, which is more than Lippy Girl got to do in her trailer. But Nic Cage does not give us his signature bug eyes. No bug eyes, no happy.
6. Thor: Wet T-shirts that aren't on women: righteous. Hammer-throwing: genius. And Natalie Portman gets to eat again for a role. A win-win-win for America!
5. Cowboys & Aliens: Let's hope that Olivia Wilde gets something more to do—other than, you know take her clothes off while the wind blows. And, yay, another leading man named Jake. Then again, them alien robot flying thangs done sure look fancy.
4. Captain America: The First Avenger: I personally enjoyed this one, if for no other reason than it shows a machine that can give you an instant six-pack.
3. Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides: The last two pirates movies belonged in a rusty scupper, but at least this trailer looks fun. My nomination for catch phrase of the year: "Bring the mermaid!" It's the "Release the Kraken" of 2011!
2. Battle: Los Angeles: Between the grainy, occasionally docu-like feel and the subject matter (they're coming, etc.) this just might be the District 9 of 2011. That is, if Ne-Yo were in District 9.
1. Super 8: The bicycle rides! The orchestra-aided sense of wonder! The child looking up into a bright light! This has to be the most Spielbergian looking piece of film since E.T. The living film legend is teaming with J.J. Abrams for this one, and while the trailer gives very few hints about what the hell I'm looking at, my brain is now so far back in the fancy-free 80s of my childhood that I could not care less.
What did you think?