Is Charlie Sheen the bionic man or a ticking timebomb?
It turns out Ricky Gervais made his big Sheen joke just in time, because it would be way too sad to poke fun at the obviously troubled actor now. Sure, the scenario still involves the always funny porn stars and partying, but, this time, medical professionals are part of the mix, as well.
Read up on Sheen's situation and the rest of the week's big news right here:
DRYING OUT: Seemingly a couple of minutes after his camp reported no knowledge of Charlie Sheen planning to go to rehab, there he was, checking into rehab. So...he's not going to be back at work on Tuesday then? Anyway, if Sheen does indeed have a hernia, what sort of stressors (aside from the alleged two-day bender) do you think caused the discomfort that landed him in the hospital? As you can imagine, the folks that have somehow managed to bring you Two and a Half Men for eight seasons despite its star's chronic problems are pretty concerned. (Well, except for Jon Cryer.) See here, Charlie, sometimes guys like you do die, and it would be awesome if for the sake of your five kids, you refrain from following in those guys' footsteps.
OSCAR ROYALTY: Now this sort of news is more like it. The Kings Speech leads the field heading into the 83rd Annual Academy Awards with 12 nominations, followed by True Grit with 10, Inception with eight and The Social Network, a surprise underachiever with only eight as well. Colin Firth and his fellow nominees expressed their delight in various ways. Of course, for every person nominated, another dozen went unrecognized, but such is the nature of the business, which in some cases can't even ensure that you get an Oscar if you produced the best picture winner! And, never mind our trepidation, Anne Hathaway and Best Actor nominee James Franco are really are going to host this thing on Feb. 27.
ROCK AND ROLL HIGH SCHOOL: Ryan Murphy didn't take rejection from Kings of Leon well, calling them "self-centered assholes," among other things. Uncalled for, sure, but Nathan Followill should have just let brother Caleb do the talking. The KOL frontman took Murphy's slams with a grain of salt, while Nathan ended up having to apologize for some hot-under-the-collar tweets that in theory could have been perceived as homophobic.
KARDASHIAN KORNER: Kim Kardashian doesn't spend all her money at JW Rolex & Friends. She gives plenty of dough to good causes, too...Khloé Kardashian Odom credits hubby Lamar Odom with the idea of a unisex fragrance...Scott Disick, for one, would get a kick out of seeing Rob Kardashian's, er, disick in Playgirl...What would Kourtney Kardashian do if Scott proposed?
BABY BOOM: Penélope Cruz and Javier Bardem are proud, Oscar-winning parents of a son who is already more handsome than all of the men you know...Mike Tyson welcomes a son, his second child with wife Kiki and eighth overall.
HOT MAMA!: Teen Mom's Farrah Abraham slays as Miss May in a motorcycle calendar due out in 2012. Of course, it's always easier to appreciate motorcycles when there are hot babes draped over them.
ROMANCE REPORT: Kate Hudson is fine with being pregnant and unengaged to Matthew Bellamy...Macaulay Culkin maintains that he and porn star Irene Loepz are not an item...George Clooney explains the whole "I'm not getting married again" thing.
TRANSFORMATION: Chaz Bono opens up about about the process of finally assuming the identity of a man and getting the body to go with it in the new documentary Becoming Chaz. And he ideally wants to look like who?!
GOOD MORNING, SUNSHINE: Demi Lovato was spotted in sunny Santa Monica with coffee in hand after spending two months in a Chicago treatment center working on "personal issues." Maybe she switched to decaf, but otherwise she looked pulled together as always.
BRISTOL CHARMS: Bristol Palin has a new man in her life but one less speaking gig (though there's always the radio!) after students at Washington University in St. Louis bristled at the very idea of Sarah Palin's daughter coming to speak as a guest of the Student Health Advisory Committee. Kate Walsh chimed in for some reason, on the greater student body's side. And speaking of not keeping their practices private, thanks for nothing, Tracy Morgan.
THE WRONG STUFF?: '80s popster Tiffany unintentionally outed New Kid on the Block Jonathan Knight in a story about dating "the quiet one" who "became gay later." Because the Kid is now a mature man of 42, he was cool with it.
UNHITCHED: Jaime Pressly filed for divorce from Simran Singh after 15 months...Kelsey Grammer couldn't get the divorce he so desperately wants just yet. Meanwhile, one of Kelsey's almost-wives really feels for Camille...Steve Harvey got divorced six years ago and his ex-wife is still reeling.
FACE FACTS: Which Facts of Life player came out in a recent memoir? Chill, it's not Clooney.
TOUCHDOWNS: Justin Bieber and Ozzy Osbourne are pairing up for Best Buy's first-ever Super Bowl commercial...Lea Michele will shill for the red, white and blue by singing "America the Beautiful" as part of the pregame festivities...Christina Aguilera can't be that much of a disaster, because she gets to sing the National Anthem.
LAW & ORDER: Dr. Conrad Murray pleaded not guilty, again, to causing Michael Jackson's death...Chris Brown would like a judge's OK to be in the same room at the Grammys with Rihanna, please... Ponch's partner on CHiPs gets probation for securities fraud conspiracy...Vince Neil cops to DUI...Bruno Mars will plead guilty to cocaine possession.
HEALTH CARE: Bret Michaels is back home and resting up after having surgery to repair the hole in his heart...Production on The Hobbit delayed as Peter Jackson recovers from ulcer surgery...Jimmy Buffett doing all right now after busting his bean in a fall from the stage in Sydney...Aaron Carter checked into rehab to deal with "emotional and spiritual issues"...Ted "15 minutes are almost up" Williams decided that rehab wasn't for him...Zsa Zsa Gabor released from the hospital following partial leg amputation.
FAREWELL: Jack LaLanne, seemingly immortal fitness guru, died at 96 of respiratory failure brought on by pneumonia.
TV LAND: MTV's Skins slammed for being too sexy (and possibly illegal) and loses some sponsors...Lori Loughlin evicted from 90210...Will Ferrell's coming to The Office, presumably to say something ridiculous...The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills reunion special was just what you thought it might be... Which Real Housewife is heading to Law & Order: SVU?...The real nuptials of Prince William and Kate Middleton will be preceded by the opportunistic Lifetime movie William & Kate...Alas, Alec Baldwin is not replacing Keith Olbermann...Check out Katy Perry on How I Met Your Mother...Kelsey Grammer forms a reality-TV production shingle...Michelle gets even creepier on The Bachelor...Jay Leno selected Hasty Pudding's Man of the Year at Harvard...Jersey Shore takes the "guido" thing too far and emigrates to Italy...SPOILER ZONE!
SCREEN PLAY: The King's Speech stole the top honor from The Social Network at the PGA Awards, but Judd Apatow stole the show...Kristen Stewart would make a great Snow White. Think about it. A pasty ebon-haired princess with an annoying way of speaking... Thanks for the update on everything, Miley Cyrus...Sean Connery immortalized in bronze in Estonia...Elizabeth Reaser gives us the goods on Breaking Dawn...Five big stories from the Sundance Film Festival...Jennifer Aniston (sure), Sex and the City 2 (most definitely!) and Eclipse (wait, it was the best in the series so far!) are all nominated for Razzies.
PRODUCT PLACEMENT: Lady Gaga's perfume sounds perfect if you want a bad romance...Taraji P. Henson wears nothing but a tattoo for PETA...Vanessa Hudgens twinkles her toes for Candie's...Kelly Osbourne the new face of Madonna and daughter Lourdes' Material Girl line...Kristen Bell is the new freshly scrubbed face of Neutrogena.
QUOTE OF THE WEEK: "With these boobs I only belong in a strip bar or somewhere not very decent," said Sofia Vergara, being honored at Elle's annual Women in Television dinner.
SEEN: Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez catching a movie (No Strings Attached!) together in Burbank...Lindsay Lohan soberly partying at Hollywood's Trousdale, where she's apparently no longer banned...Former President Bill Clinton grabbing dinner in South Beach with Cameron Diaz and Alex Rodriguez before stopping by Chad Ochocinco's birthday party.