Prince William, Kate Middleton

Luis Enrique Ascui/AAP-Pool/Getty Images; Chris Jackson/Getty Imagea

While we eagerly await our save-the-date fax for the royal wedding, we're shocked to hear one did go out to the Duchess of York, Sarah Ferguseon—who has been on Buckingham Palace's pissed list for all kinds of stupid crap, like attempting to sell out her ex hubby Prince Andrew.

If she gets an invite to Prince William and Kate Middleton's wedding, why are Joan Rivers and Elton John a noble no-no? At least those two mean business, while Fergie's new reality show on OWN just got delayed, after being dubbed boring by the Oprah.

Looks like Wills does have a thick skin for defending those picked-upon Windsor relatives, though some of his other departments are much thinner:

Like not being the hairiest heir to date! It's a good thing Prince Harry's still on the market, too yum!

That is one sexy-ass ginger, if you ask us. And that full head of strawberry blonde curls doesn't hurt, either. Must be all the non-stress he has being the younger, less responsible, third in line to the royal throne, and all.

Either way, we're sure the groom will efficiently handle that receding hairline of his, especially since...

Rogaine wants the prince to be their spokesperson? It looks like we're not the only people worried about how William may look from the back, come altar-time.

A rep from Rogaine told reporters this week that the company would be thrilled to send William Arthur Philip Louis Windsor their new Unscented Men's Rogaine Foam to cease that sneaking bald spot of his. No word if Wills is down for it, but, maybe it'll be in the wedding-do gift bags? Or at least given out at the bachelor party?

We're telling you, this marriage is a marketing monopoly in the making.

While Willy loses hair, Kate's gaining weight: Or at least trying to.

Unlike all our American bridezillas, this doll is desperately trying to gain a dress size! That's what we love to hear. A woman who's all about the dress fitting her not vice versa!

Kate's supposedly adding more carbs to her diet after shedding some weight rushing around handling wedding plans. She wants to up her dress size to the curv-alicious eight she has always been. Could she be more perfect, but, really?

Kate quit her job for princess prep, duh: Please, you would, too! Middleton had been working as the project manager at her mum and dad's kiddie events business, Party Pieces, until earlier this week. But she is far from unemployed!

After all, Kate needs to start rehearsing her hand-waving, ballroom dancing, and, uh, charity hopping. We're not too worried about the Middelton's business. Remember, they made themselves millionaires in record time by becoming the Martha Stewarts of the Chuck E. Cheese set, so they are sure to get piles of resumes and job apps before the week's end, and, if not, there's always...

A copy-Kate career: Yes, it is no surprise that Britain is being flooded by dozens of Kate and William imposters, but some royal look-alike pairs are actually cashing in.

We're going to jump on the bandwagon and agree that there are definitely plenty of traditional Kate look-alikes out there, but William is a rare breed.

According to modeling agencies in the UK, the look-alikes are in high demand—being called upon for corporate parties, TV commercials and such. There are about 40 Kates and only 10 Williams, for now.

Figures—call us when you find someone fit enough to fake that fine lad.

Speaking of phonies: Facebook's Mark Zuckerburg definitely has soon-to-be Princess Kate's back! The social network guru banned what he believed were a few Kate Middleton imposters on his site this past week.

Turns out, the future princess actually does share her full, maiden name with a few females from around the world, and they're pissed about their deactivation—claiming just because they share a name with a royal celeb doesn't mean they should be ousted.

Let's not forget the beautiful bride is a commoner, though these other Kates really are lucky they just didn't get sent to the Tower.

And then there's that Lifetime movie: This production means someone will be lucky enough to professionally take on the roles of William and Kate, telling the story of the couple's courtship and romance pre-engagement.

E! hears that the movie, titled William & Kate, will likely air on the network a week before the wedding—set for April 29 at Westminster Abbey—and that newbie Nico Evers Swindell has been cast as William and Star Trek alum Ben Cross will play Prince Charles. Directors are still searching for their Kate.

Well, the flick's producers should just take a stroll through London—one of those 40 imposters is bound to be an actress of sorts!

Otherwise, isn't Kim Kardashian free?

—With Additional Reporting by Alyssa Toomey

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