But if rehab is the what, alcohol and depression are reportedly the why, and this weekend was the when, the only question that remains is where?
Several wagging tongues have already stepped forward to offer up the celeb-favored Betty Ford Center as the answer, sending minds reeling as to the possibility of a campus shared by both Arquette and the outgoing Lindsay Lohan.
So are Hollywood's two hellcats getting ready to bunk up, or is this whole report just bunk? Hold on to your sobriety buttons, this rumor is...
While the actor's rep confirmed to E! News that Arquette is currently receiving treatment for his inner demons—which the rep notes have nothing to do with drugs—a source close to the increasingly wild-card thesp confirms that David is not, despite multiple reports to the contrary, seeking treatment at Betty Ford.
Incidentally, all eyes are already on that desert dry-out: LiLo is legally able to check out of the center today, having fulfilled her required stay at the facility. And while reports claimed she was expected to stay through next weekend, a source tells E! News she may make her escape much, much sooner than that. Watch this space.
—Reporting by Whitney English