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    Hearsts vs. Lohans: Drugs! Threats! Free Publicity!

    Lindsay Lohan Fame Pictures

    Get ready for Lindsay Lohan: The Movie. Or maybe not, if Team Lohan has anything to say about it.

    Hours after heiress Lydia Hearst Shaw announced she was going to channel Lindsay in a fictionalized biopic of the  trouble-magnet and her dysfunctional clan, the patriarch of said dysfunctional clan is already threatening a lawsuit.

    "I smell more attorney fees brewing," Michael Lohan tells E! News. "To date, I don't know that Lindsay's rep or [her mom] Dina and I have been contacted about this 'venture.' "

    So how exactly will this movie portray the rehabbing starlet? Not good, we hear...

    MORE: Lindsay's holiday rehab drama

    In what would be the first big Hollywood role for model/actress/scenester Shaw, the New York Post reports the 26-year-old daughter of once-kidnapped Patty Hearst will play a comic character in the film titled Dogs in Pocketbooks.

    Filmmaker Charles Casillo describes the character as a  "bratty movie goddess in and out of rehab" and openly admits the character is copied directly from Lohan.

    "[She is] in trouble with the law, and hounded by greedy agents, predatory paparazzi, off-the-wall stalkers and crazed media—a role obviously based on Lindsay Lohan," he reveals.

    "I spent a lot of time casting for the right actress for this screwball comedy, but Lydia is perfect," he says.  "She's one of the few supermodels who can actually act. She's smart, well read, charming, and very beautiful. We looked at a lot of actresses for this role, and I was really knocked out."

    Casillo says he wasn't intentionally being nasty to the troubled starlet, but that his story is more of a "modern satire" based around her crazy life.

    "It's in no way mean-spirited towards Lindsay. It's the kind of thing she has spoofed about herself in the past," he says.

    We're not sure she'll see what's so funny. Her father certainly doesn't.

    "Personally, I don't understand why Mr. Casillo and Lydia Hearst find it so fascinating they would want to make a movie about Lindsay and our family," he tells E! News. "Especially when the Hearst's family is more interesting and probably has more drama than ours."

    Michael even recommends some casting.

    "If this is a satire, I bet they get Courtney Love to play Dina, Mel Gibson to play me, and Lydia should realy foot the bill on Lindsay," he says.

    Sounds genius to us! Quick, someone get Love and Gibson's agents on the horn.

    PHOTOS: Lindsay Lohan—Remember When...

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