Dear Prison Butter:
While Marth may have the street cred from her time behind bars to shank a be-yotch, the Vice is much more delish because Butter seems like the oh-so-innocent type. Until you hop in bed with her fauxmance fellow, that is.
Poor Ted, what will you do after the last installment of Twi crap is done? You have alienated most of your loyal readers by having tripled and quadruple daily Twigasms and blowing off everything else. I thought you were trying to redeem yourself by bringing Toothy Tile back to the forefront, but that was very short lived on your part. Now it seems you are just randomly Vice-ing to try for more hits because the Twi nuts are all in school during the day! I want a Hugh Jackman story. Or a Daniel Craig story. Or how about more Judas Jack-Off and Dashed Dingle-Dream? You haven't said anything about Nicole Kidman in forever. I'm sorry, but the world does not revolve around Twilight. I want the old snarky Ted back please.
Screw you and your complaints, does that work? (I write about who I want to write about, FYI.)
Was Coco Crack-Head's "accident" completely fabricated or do you think her powdering her nose caused the accident?
Dear Cuckoo for Crack:
When you're sniffing as much nose candy as Coco's been snorting, accidents are bound to happen. We just figured she'd learn her lesson, but that is so not the case with this one.
If Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens broke up and they looked like the perfect couple it makes me think Niley will never be friends again. Will Miley and Nick Jonas ever be friends again even after the bong incident? And which side will Ashley Tisdale choose Team Nessa or Team Efron?
Dear Tween Dream:
Sorry babe, but you're going to have to throw out your folder with Zanessa scribbled all over it 'cause the two are dunzo. For now at least. And as much as it breaks my Niley-loving heart, I don't see those two getting cozy anytime soon either. But c'mon, who cares about Ash Tisdale these days.
Did Carrie Fischer beat you to outing Toothy Tile?
Dear Fishing for Goss:
You say Jake Gyllenhaal hasn't given up on his B.V. ways. He is dating America's most virginal sweetheart. Does this mean she's not the angel she portrays herself as, or is Jakey indulging passions somewhere else?
Dear Vice for a Vice:
Tay's got some secrets she isn't exactly writing songs about, but she's still pretty much an angel, which is why Jake likes her so much, natch. We're starting to think this might actually be a match made in Vice heaven. Who knew?
We've been together (in my head) since E! was lowercased! Totally miss your TV show from back in the day. I know gossip is the horse your rode in on, but thank you for the socially conscientious commentary as well. I've never guess any of your Vices and have long since stopped trying. But I do have one question: Which of the more notorious Blind Vicers (beside their vice) do you believe are otherwise wonderful, well-adjusted human beings? Someone with whom you'd want to share family dinners? Or is that an oxymoron? Happy Holidays to you to you and the good folks at E!
Dear Nice Try:
Tempted to say Oprah, but that's really just so laughable. Nobody, sadly, save possibly Jake?
What's the deal with Anne Hathaway and Jake being attached to each other lately? Obviously, Jake can't trot out Reese Witherspoon for photo ops anymore, but is there really no one left in Hollywood willing to do a PR stunt with him anymore?
Dear Costar Cavorting:
Anne and Jake? Really? Doll, they're promoting a movie together—which means they're traveling from press conference to premiere to junket together dishing about the flick. Plus the two are way tight—which I think is adorable.
You've talked about Parrish Maguire being a favorite new "toy" with some high-powered Hollywood gays, but have these connections paid off for him professionally yet? Are any of these men going out on a limb for him, or just toying with him during their off-time?
Dear Show Me The Money:
Parr is definitely making a name for himself in this town and I guess you could say it's paying off: He's landing role after role. Not good parts, but they're still paying the bills and making him a household name. And that's all that matters, right?
Has Jennifer Aniston ever been a Blind Vice? Perhaps a recent one involving certain body parts? My pups Annabelle and Hendrix say hello!
Dear Breast Guess:
Nope, Jen surprisingly isn't a member of the prestigious Vice world. Though, not to say she hasn't dated her share of Blind Superstars. If you think Jenny is Miss Bee-Stings, think younger.
Just saw the photo of Chelsea Handler and 50 Cent in bed! Is he giving up all the "bitches" he tweets about for her? What's the real deal?
Dear Under Raps:
Let's just say it's a very mutually beneficial coupling.