Toby Canham/Getty ImagesDear Ted:
I see a lot of similarities between Emma Stone and Lindsay Lohan. Not just the hair, but the type of films that begun their careers. Is this where the similarities end or is Emma on the same troubled path as Lindsay? Does Emma have a BV?
—Tiffany
Dear Mean Girl:
Just because the once red-hot red heads have gone blonde (Em's for her Spidey role, of course) and starred in some political satire-esque teen rom-coms does not mean that Emma is Betty Ford-bound like LiLo. Emma is more concerned with her career than clubbing these days, Linds could never say that.
Dear Ted:
Concerning Jalyor, the whole thing seems contrived. I personally think chemistry jumps through a picture—Brangelina anyone—and no matter how far they stand apart, their attraction will come through. Even with Gyllenspoon—remember when they started hanging out, well you could see that they liked each other and were friends? Sorry I didn't see any sexual heat, but at least, there was honest likeness. None of that with Jaylor: everything seems contrived. No chemistry, not even friendly. Why is that Ted? Are we wrong in assuming that this is a showmance? Jake should be jailed for trying to pull this one, although he is less than a decade older than Taylor, she seems to be at least decades younger. Odd. What say you Ted?
—Rita
Dear Picture Imperfect:
There is so much wrong with what you wrote, R, that all I'll say is this: Jake and Tay are definitely friendly. The twosome may not be getting as hot as that coffee they love so much—yet, at least—but there's chemistry. Probably more than there ever was with Gyllenspoon, which, of course, isn't saying much at all.
Dear Ted:
My rescue pug Donner and I would like to know; is Coco Crack-Head Mischa Barton?
—Humphrey
Dear Crack is Whack:
Please, Coco is way more subtle about her Vice than Mischa is or ever was (and that's not saying much). Think more "good girl" persona, at least off screen.
Dear Ted:
How does Kate Bosworth continue to get work in Hollywood? If you mention her name, you get a "who?" or "loved her in Blue Crush!" (Ten years ago!) Her latest movie's box office barely covered her wig budget and as a so-called "fashion icon" she looks like the long lost Hansen brother dressed up in drag for the school play. If I was as bad at my job as she is at hers, I would have been collecting unemployment long ago. Help me understand this Hollywood mystery! Thanks much!
—Susannah
Dear Worker's Comp:
Who ever said you had to be good at your job to be successful in H'wood? If that were the case, half this town would be out of work. All you need to do is have people care about you, which KB obviously does—just look at you writing in about her.
Dear Ted:
First off I have to say I love you! Next I have a question about Toothy. Since you said recently he hasn't really brought in the big bucks at the box office, do you think for a future movie instead of hooking him up with another beard his PR will encourage him to publicly come out? He might lose some fans but I think in the end he'll actually gain more than he'll lose.
—Karoll
Dear Crystal Blue Balls:
T2 is doing just fine at the box office, check your facts, K. Some of his flicks may be panned but they still make a decent amount of dough. But Tooth's team would never ask him to come out, that would be PR all right but it would also end his career.
Dear Ted:
You mentioned earlier that Nevis seems to have chosen a heterosexual lifestyle. Did he make this choice for personal reasons, or for practical/professional reasons? Did he make his choice prematurely too? Is anyone hurt by this decision?
—Jen
Dear Bi-Bi-Bi:
If you're talking about that ref in the Brock Rock-Buns Vice, I said that Nev seems to prefer the ladies, not that he's gone totally hetero on us. It's easier for him professionally though, yes, to shack up with chicks.
Dear Ted:
I've got some questions about this whole beard business. How does one become a beard? For instance, is there a resume you must submit, stating your qualifications for the job? Are there interviews with your prospective bearding subject? Who picks the beard—the agent, the actor/actress themselves or someone else? I can imagine the conversation: "Hey, so and so is gay and needs someone to be a beard for a year...you in?" Fascinating way to spend your time, fer sure!
—PattyPoo
Dear No Shave Hoe-vember:
It's the Team—agents, publicists, you get the idea—that set the twosomes up. Occasionally they'll get some input from the beardee—but, mostly, they just trust their media masterminds and hope for the best. And while it's a fascinating way to spend time, sure, remember that both halves usually benefit in a beardship.
Dear Ted:
Is Fernando Tinkle-Treat Josh Duhamel?
—rtsew
Dear Toilet Talk:
No. Don't you know Fergie is the one with bladder issues in that couple?
Dear Ted
I've started to get into Dexter recently (great show!) and I have completely fallen for Michael C. Hall! There is just something about him that I find so sexy! My question is does he have any Vicey habits? What about he and his wife? Are they a normal couple like they seem?
—Andie
Dear Killer Instinct:
Yep, Michael has been a BV. But when his TV alter ego's Vice is, uh, being a serial killer does any naughty habits he's up to between takes even compare?
Dear Ted:
Let's go off the beaten track...Michael Vick has served his jail time and lost all his money. Your thoughts on him now? I am of the theory that an innocent child raised in that environment (where dog fighting etc. is OK) isn't much different than an innocent dog indoctrinated into that culture. If the dogs are given second chances, shouldn't he? Just curious as to your thoughts.
—Riley
Dear Don't Even Go There:
Dogs don't have choices, people do. Vick has made his over and over again in his life. He is not a good man.
Dear Ted:
I am sure you have gotten lots of e-mails about the Ronni Chasen case. The latest update is that the gun that Harold Smith used to kill himself is linked to the case. I think someone close to Ronni knows that happened or they have the key to all this but may not know it. Why don't all the people close to her personally and professionally meet up and put their heads together? Ronni deserves no less. Also, I wonder if the police are looking at the coverage of Ronni's murder and what the blogs—like yours—and the comments people are leaving. Maybe that will help in some way.
—Susie
Dear It's Possible:
But, quite frankly, I'm more of the school that most of those closet to Ronni—as well as law-enforcement types on the case—don't have a clue as to what really happened.
Dear Ted:
Just saw a pic of the new American Idol cast (is that what you call the judges), what in the world is going on with J Lo? She is looking (almost) Angie skinny, I can't imagine she still has the "junk in the trunk" with bones poking from her body.
—Evans
Dear Baby Don't Got Back:
Stress from the new gig? Stress from her Superstar-status Vice? One or both or who knows!