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    Bitch-Back! Is Miley Cyrus' Goose Turkey Cooked?

    Miley Cyrus Albert Michael/startraksphoto.com

    Dear Ted:
    I get why people are nostalgic for Miley Cyrus and Nick Jonas, but to me, Miley and Liam Hemsworth were hotter, not least because I find him way sexier than Nick (Need more proof?). Why did they break up? I feel sorry for Miley; she seems like a lost kid. Is she depressed, doing drugs? What's with the making out with guys at nightclubs? Is it too late for her to get it together before spiraling out of control à la Britney Spears or Lindsay Lohan?
    Candi

    Dear Gobbling Grinch:
    Well happy friggin' Thanskgiving to you, Candi. What a downer! C'mon, Miley is a much brighter babe than Linds or Brit were at her age, hell, maybe even now. I can think of 18 year olds who are doing far naughtier things than she is. That said, I do think she has the potential to go the Lohan route, especially with her parents divorcing. That's why a guy like Nick is good for her. She needs someone with the same amount of fame. Liam just gives good face.

    Dear Ted:
    I'm scared for your welfare, but must ask anyway: Robert Pattinson. Nikki Reed. Kristen Stewart. We know Robert was like a kid in the candy store on the Twilight set, and we know how it all ended. But who grabbed his interest initially on that first movie? The saucy Nikki or the mysterious Kristen? I'm curious as to who caught his eye first.
    —Nina

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    Dear Too Many Sweets:
    They both did—to a point. You just hear more about Nikki. Now, before you all freak out, there was a reason for this: Not only did N.R. throw herself at him the second he got off the plane in Oregon, but technically Kristen Stewart was off the market, and therefore, totally unavailable in Rob's head. But as soon as he started spending real time with K.Stew, there was no competition. Saucy Nikki didn't stand a chance.

    Dear Ted:
    I'm a newcomer to your wonderful blolumn, and I have to say I was pretty disappointed to learn that Nicole Kidman is such an ice queen as I have been a huge fan of hers since Moulin Rouge. So maybe you can help me salvage a little respect for her: Does she have any redeeming qualities in your eyes?
    C

    Dear Frozen in Time:
    Australia aside, the babe can act. Take a look at the trailer for her award-hyped flicked Rabbit Hole. That crap brought a tear to our bitchy eyes in under three minutes!

    Dear Ted:
    I was looking through your Blind Vice superstars gallery and noticed Kristen Stewart but not Robert Pattinson. Has he never been a B.V.? I refuse to believe that he's never done anything naughty. My rescue kitty Gina really wants to know!
    —ricoramos

    Dear Blinded by the Vice:
    Where the hell have you been? Duh! Those two come as a package (and very playful) deal. What one does is bound to be just as Vicey or Vicier than the other. But who said all Vices have to be bad? Some are just sexy fun!

    Dear Ted:
    Do you have any goss on Jackson Rathbone? We never hear anything about his love life, he's never photographed with anyone and he seems to spend all of his time with his band. This leads me to suspect he's either terribly boring or doing something Blind Vice-worthy. Anything interesting we should know about?
    Wendy K

    Dear Keeping Up With Jacks:
    Talk about snooze-worthy! As much as we love the cutesy vamp, Jackson hasn't been up to anything interesting enough to follow. Dare we say that makes him, normal? Now you see why Ashley Greene wasn't gonna stick around for too long.

    Dear Ted:
    You've said several times that Jake Gyllenhaal is not Anne Hathaway's type and vice versa, but have you seen their interviews together? They are both good actors, but not that good. The gooeyness is bordering on disgusting, and they can't seem to not touch each other at some point in an interview. Is it really just the spectacular Hollywood promo machine, or are these two getting busy?
    Jake & Annie 4eva eva

    Dear Hopeless Romantic:
    Actually, they are that good. You're confusing strong friendship with strong romance. But put one more "eva" at the end of your name, and we'll reevaluate.

    Dear Ted:
    Unlike the rest of the world, I think that Eva Longoria is 100 pounds of sheer manipulation! It seems obvs to me that Eva is manipulating the details of this divorce to her favor. I do think Tony Parker did what she said he did; I just think this all didn't happen last week and I don't think either one of them are really "devastated." Tony is not happy at her spin on this, hence his own filing in Texas. Since we know this couple is a B.V. (and you've hinted it's a pretty spicy one), isn't Eva risking a lot by trashing Tony publicly like this, especially after they probably both agreed not to? Do you think Tony will cough up stuff we know Eva doesn't want out there or will he use it to shut her up? This is going to get interesting! So hoping a B.V. couple outs themselves!
    Beauty IS a Beast

    Dear Not Pullin' One Over on You:
    Eva is hurt, no doubt about that. While they had an unconventional marriage, in Longoria's mind, he broke her No. 1 rule, and let's just say it's not as simple as cheating. I feel like Tony may take the high road here, but I'd love nothing more if they do as you said and out themselves!

    Dear Ted:
    Yeah, Rob could have better abs, sure. But that would require him to cut way back on the brew he's so fond of. Oh, the horror! Let's just appreciate the adorkableness that is R.Pattz and let him have his flabs (that's flabby abs). They can't all be as buff as you, Ted!
    —bubbleyumsteph 

    Dear Flabs Over Abs:
    It's hard to believe all that brew is forming that baby pudge Rob's got going when he can't put down a smoke for a mere second! Still, who cares, we're feeling the extra pounds. We like out men beefy, not skeletal. And for the record, since I quit smoking, my abs are far from taut-tastic.

     Dear Ted:
    I never see you talking about Britney Spears and her boyfriend Jason Trawick. They are together for more than two years, any chance of a wedding?
    Laur

    Dear Mental Matrimony:
    I don't talk about it because it still makes me sad. Brit may seem like she's better, but if you ask me, she still seems like she's walking through life tranquilized up.  Hey, if Jason's making her better I'm all for it. I just don't see happy heat from these two.

    Dear Ted:
    First of all, thank you for all the Disney gossip we've been getting lately. Secondly, in regard to your recent Jonas article, you mentioned Joe ditching his purity ring. Laugh all you want, but do you really think he's ditched his vows and is doing the dirty with Ashley?
    Emma

    Dear Metal Shield:
    I don't think it's appropriate for me to speculate here. But he's passing up penis for Greene, so that says something, right?

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