Los Angeles Police Chief William Bratton expressed thanks today to the vaginas of young Hollywood, whose recent back-to-panties stance has taken a bite out of crime. Specifically singling out Britney Spears—whose frequent naked crotch displays while exiting limos caused major issues between unruly paparazzi and the LAPD—the chief remarked that since the star “started wearing clothes...we don't seem to have much of an issue.”
While the be-pantied privates are good news for cops, the conservative trend spells bad news for the graphic designer responsible for creating the computer icons used in photographs to cover the offensive genitalia. “This was my life for the last few years, and now it’s being snatched away,” moaned the artist, who requested anonymity.
“That pink star over Britney’s stuff? That was mine. I’m damn proud of it, but what do I do with it now? Sell it to a clown?” he wonders. The designer was also behind the red rectangle that stood in for Paris Hilton's lady parts and the “frustrated smiley face” used to mask Lindsay Lohan’s oft-seen naughty bits. “These young stars, they don’t understand how they can hurt others with their panties. Now who’s left? Janice Dickinson? I’m out of business.”