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Randy Quaid, Mugshot

Santa Barbara Sheriff’s Dept

"Hollywood star whackers" are out to get Randy Quaid.

So said Randy Quaid outside a courtroom in Vancouver, where the actor and mug-shot partner and wife Evi are attempting to qualify for Canadian refugee status.

Is it possible? Is a cabal trying to destroy the onetime Oscar nominee—and Mel Gibson, Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears, too?

Conspiracy Corner, Comic Con 2009 Brick

If the question is, is it is possible, then the answer is, well, just about anything is possible— including the revival of Quaid's once-steady career.

If the question is, is it all true—is Quaid being victimized by a "monstrous ring of accountants, estate planners and lawyers?" Are Gibson, Lohan and Spears being "played to get at their money?" Were the late Heath Ledger, David Carradine and Chris Penn "whacked," as Quaid has also alleged?—then the answer is, well, longer.

One: No foul play was found in the deaths of Ledger, Carradine and Penn; only Carradine's inspired a wrongful-death claim, and that lawsuit, brought by the actor's widow, made no mention of a whacking.

Two: Yes, Gibson, Lohan and Spears have had their troubles, but none have blamed their troubles on "star whackers." Even as his DUI worst, Gibson merely blamed "the Jews" for "all the wars in the world," not for actually getting him arrested.

Three: Quaid's contention about what people are doing to him—and have been doing to him for the past 20 years—may hold water. Or it may not.

Attorney Thomas J. Simeone told us he'd want answers from a prospective client making Quaid-esque claims.

"Why'd you wait? Where's the police report? If he answered it all, then great," Simeone said.

The Los Angeles Police Department, for one, says it can't say if Quaid has or hasn't ever filed a complaint alleging conspiracy. An email to one of Quaid's Canadian attorneys Friday was not answered. (A police report, by the by, is not a requirement, but as Simeone suggested, it's nice to have.)

Perhaps the most definitive word on Quaid's claim, outside of Quaid himself, comes from a private detective once employed by the Quaids.

Gumshoe Becky Altringer thinks, in the words of Canada's QMI Agency, "the only one who poses Randy or Evi Quaid danger is Evi Quaid."