ABC/MATTHEW ROLSTONDesperate Housewives is well into season seven. No way, right? Thought everyone had stopped watching, oh, what, five years ago? Apparently not, since the show does very well in the ratings.
So, since the Housewives are still on the radar of many boob-tube watchers, we'll let you in on a little secret only Team Awful has the deets about: a Christmas-season cliff-hanger to die for—well, only if you're that dramatic.
Remember Paul Young (Mark Moses)? Can't blame you if you don't, the former jail bird's been stirring up trouble since he was released in the season opener, but now he plans on making sure babe Teri Hatcher and the gang never forget him again.
This badass, gray-haired dude returned to the prissy, picket-fence 'hood über pissed none of his buddies came to support him in court years ago. Oh, the drama!
In their defense, the housewives thought the always weird dude was a cold-blooded killer. I mean, he definitely plays the part well!
So, what's his revenge for the neighborhood no-shows? Well, it involves some picketing Eva Longoria Parker & Co. are not really used to.
We hear this season's evil resident is buying up all the houses on Wisteria Lane in an effort to turn each household into a prison half-way home, leaving the lane's evenly cut shrubbery in a roaring, rioting pandemonium.
So expect the Christmas D.H. cliff-hanger to be bigger than your usual holiday block party, that's for sure!
A knowledgeable source tell us the Desperate Housewives team is casting exactly 400 extras to act as rioters on the set of the mid-season finale.
Surprise, surprise, another cliff-hanging moment with a dash of symbolism and a side of predictable predicaments. Plane crashes? Tornadoes? Why the hell do people even live on Wisteria Lane, anymore?
So what's in store for D.H.'s postholiday opener? Will Mary Alice come back and reveal she never really died and the lives on Wisteria Lane are all one big lie? Our TiVos must be stuck on repeat. Do you all even care?
Ladies of the Lane, it's true what they say—you make us snooze, you lose…and this time it's your houses!