We thought Glee was taking care of the rocky horror this week.
Rock night was a real buzzkill for some of Dancing With the Stars' finest on Monday, with the judges all too willing to provide the hard place whenever a shoulder leaned too far left or a foot lifted an inch off the ground.
Bristol Palin has been hovering near the bottom practically every week, Kyle Massey's footwork has been raked across the coals, and Audrina Patridge has been gaining technical expertise but losing steam in the facial-expression area.
So which of them got their lowest score yet before having to head out for the second-round "dance marathon"?
Actually, they all did OK. It was Jennifer Grey who ended up with a 20 on her paso doble, including a 6 from Carrie Ann Inaba, the same Carrie Ann who cried after Jennifer's waltz in week one.
"You need to calm down a little bit," she sternly told the Dirty Dancing star after a paso doble that seemed to be going really well until Jennifer did indeed lose her control and stumble to the finish line.
"That was totally disjointed," Carrie Ann continued, pointing out a lift and other flaws in Jen's paso doble. "You're like the chosen one, and you're going downhill."
OK, Obi-Wan, she gets the point.
Meanwhile, Bristol got her highest score yet after a sharp, in-character tango that Bruno Tonioli called her best dance to date!
"Last week a chimp, [this week] almost a champ," Len Goodman said approvingly, while Carrie Ann offered a gleeful, "Yay, go Bristol" and called her performance "ridiculously amazing."
She was questionably dressed like a Smurf...but yes, the tango suited her, as did the anger she must be feeling from getting nit-picked every week.
So how did everyone else do?
• The "few tiny missteps" Carrie Ann mentioned precluded the possibility of Brandy getting a perfect score for her tango, but she easily landed in first place after round one.
• Having been the better half of the weirdest paso doble ever last season, Tony Dovolani had nowhere to go but up. And was that a glimmer of intensity we saw in Audrina Patridge's eyes? Maybe, but as the judges patiently explain to her week after week, not smiling doesn't automatically equal fiery aggression. The girl knows how to backstab, so perhaps she can recreate a Hills vibe next time.
• The surprising Kyle Massey was as appealing and adorable as always, plus his footwork was sharper than it's been lately. Nature of the tango perhaps: stink or swim.
• Rick Fox looked like he had just walked out of Labyrinth. So...hot, basically. His precise but rigid tango steps seemed a little tiny, but the 6-foot-7 baller understandably had to contain his limbs a bit so as not to get too tangled.
• Kurt Warner got creamed by the judges after his paso doble failed to connect. His intentions were good, but the Super Bowl winner is always in trouble whenever there's a break in hold and he's left to fend for himself out there.
And then came the free-for-all, lifts-allowed dance marathon, with all of the stars dressed up in their cutesy, '50s rock 'n' roll finest.
Once again, Brandy and Maksim Chmerkovskiy reigned supreme, outlasting the on-again Jennifer and Derek Hough to collect the full 10 points possible. Kurt and Anna Trebunskaya were kicked out of the free-for-all first, getting only four points to add to their not-so-grand total.
Here's tonight's leaderboard, combining both routines:
Brandy & Maksim Chmerkovskiy: 36 (26, 10)
Audrina Patridge & Tony Dovolani: 32 (24, 8)
Rick Fox & Cheryl Burke: 30 (24, 6)
Kyle Massey & Lacey Schwimmer: 30 (23, 7)
Jennifer Grey & Derek Hough: 29 (20, 9)
Bristol Palin & Mark Ballas: 28 (23, 5)
Kurt Warner & Anna Trebunskaya: 22 (18, 4)
(Originally published Oct. 25, 2010 at 7:10 p.m. PT)