Mel Gibson, Lindsay Lohan, Tyra Banks, Beyonce Knowles, Lea Michele

Gamma/Eyedea/ZUMA Press; Toby Canham/Getty Images; Dimitrios Kambouris/;; Terry Richardson/GQ

COVER GIRLS OF THE WEEK: What's good for Gleeks and GQ readers isn't so great, apparently, for sexual mores and common decency, according to the Parents Television Council. The conservative watchdog group took major issue with Gentlemen's Quarterly and Glee's Lea Michele, Dianna Agron and Cory Monteith—all of whom are perfectly legal—for what the PTC perceived to be a cover and photo spread that bordered on child porn. (Which has given Playgirl an idea.) But what do you know? The intent wasn't to offend and the issue is still steaming up on newsstands.

Read on for more of the week's biggest stories:

PHOTOS: Week's Hottest Pics

REPRIEVE OF THE WEEK: Though her legal camp feared the worst, Lindsay Lohan was ordered back to rehab rather than jail, the judge determining that counseling and more sober-living-centric care is what the starlet needs right now. Alas, jail is free, and rehab—not places like the Betty Ford Center, anyway—doesn't come cheap.

MISSED OPPORTUNITY OF THE WEEK: Mel Gibson, thisclose to a cameo in Hangover 2 that would have made the public love him again and solved ALL his problems, was unconsidered for the job after too many people (maybe one in particular) with a stake in the sequel voiced objections. Enter Liam Neeson.

BACKFIRE OF THE WEEK: Tyra Banks, while trying to keep an alleged stalker away from her family, was slapped with a lawsuit filed by the mom of one of her former talk-show guests—a 15-year-old self-described sex addict. Mom wants $3 million because her underage daughter was able to air her dirty laundry without first showing parental consent.

BUMPWATCH OF THE WEEK: Beyoncé's uterus, whether it's empty or not, was the subject of much conversation...Meanwhile, Rachel Zoe's bun in the oven has been rising for 4 1/2 months...Melissa Rycroft's having a girl...Lance Armstrong's fifth miracle baby arrived...Kate Hudson would have been a boy if Goldie Hawn's farsighted OBGYN had his way.

Katy Perry, Russell Brand

WEDDING COUNTDOWN OF THE WEEK: Katy Perry and Russell Brand by all accounts are getting married this weekend in India. At least, that's why Perry thinks they're surrounded by security in Jaipur . Brand is actually in town to hunt paparazzi, hoping to have a few heads on his wall by the time the honeymoon is over.

TRANSFORMATIONS OF THE WEEK: Taylor Swift went studiously brunette for a Target ad...Scarlett Johansson bobbed her hair for real...Kanye West tells Ellen he considered suicide but has a new lease on life now.

FIRST AID: Christina Aguilera treated for bruised lip after fall, still nursing broken heart after split...Céline Dion hospitalized to prevent premature delivery of twins...Leonard Nimoy recovering after abdominal surgery...Jean-Claude Van Damme says he's in perfect health, perhaps because a heart attack wouldn't be good for his image...Eva Longoria Parker OK after car crash...Challenge: Cutthroat cast sends well wishes as host T.J. Lavin fights for his life.

LAW ENFORCEMENT: Randy and Evi Quaid, arrested at the Canadian border on an outstanding warrant in California, give an amazing explanation...Big Brother 10's Steven Daigle busted for alleged ex-boyfriend beatdown...Teen Mom mom Amber Portwood investigated for domestic violence...Attempted murder charge for 1968's Playboy Playmate of the Year...Cameron Diaz fan goes after A-Rod at Yankee Stadium, cops put quick stop to it...I Love New York contestant gets 50-to-life for murder.

FEATURE FILM:  Angelina Jolie gets her permit to shoot in Bosnia...The Hobbit, in all its delayed but promising glory, has got its Bilbo and dwarfs, if not a country to call its own...Lea Michele gearing up for feature debut...Mandy Moore 's image makeover...Inside the Breaking Dawn sex scene and birth scene...50 Cent reveals this Chelsea Handler business is movie-related...Transformers 3 title sparks a brainstorm...Kristen Stewart doesn't mind her fans' moniker...Megan Fox's new project...The most revealing Harry Potter promo yet...David Arquette and Courteney Cox fight a killer in the Scream 4 trailer.

TV LAND: Stephen Colbert gives The View a taste of its own medicine...Exclusive Glee-does-Rocky Horror sneak peek...Night of Too Many Stars raised much money for autism education...Five shocking Oprah confessions...President Barack Obama headed to The Daily Showand Mythbusters!...An emotional goodbye to Florence Henderson on Dancing With the Stars...Alert Rev. Lovejoy! Homer Simpson is Catholic...SPOILER ZONE!

MUSICAL NOTES: Rihanna expands the brand, puts herself in Jay-Z's hands...A committed Lady Gaga steers clear of France for now...Miley Cyrus' latest smash hit...Taylor Swift talks "Mean"...Wee Willow Smith's "Whip My Hair" video debut...T.I. enlists Chris Brown for viewer appeal on "Get Back Up"...Lady Antebellum and Easton Corbin scoring seven noms apiece for newbie American Country Awards...Kanye's album cover banned by Walmart (it's more sexual than the GQ cover)...Carmen Electra goes girl-on-girl for Filter's "No Love."

LAKER GIRL: Monica engaged to L.A. Laker Shannon Brown.

DIVORCE COURT: Real Housewives of Orange County's Vicki Gunvalson doesn't want to be her husband's wife anymore.

CIVIL ACTION: Jamie Lee Curtis not in Tony's will...Gretchen Rossi's defamation suit decimated...Trademark issues unravel JWoww's clothing line...We don't blame Adrien Brody for not wanting Giallo to come out...Paparazzo claims Mike Tyson left a mark.

PRODUCT REPLACEMENT: No more AXE deal for T.I. after latest prison sentence.

FAREWELL: Tom Bosley, especially known for playing one of the great TV dads on Happy Days, died of cancer at 83...Barbara Billingsley, a TV mom for the ages on Leave It to Beaver and a memorable comedienne in Airplane!, died at 94...Bob Guccione, founder of Penthouse and producer of the cult-classically bad Caligula, died of cancer at 79.

Jennifer Aniston, Josh Hopkins

Fotonoticias/; Mark Sullivan/

RUMOR MILL: The good news is, that's one less breakup for Jennifer Aniston...Kendra Wilkinson-Baskett denies that there's trouble in paradise...An eyewitness explains the Justin Bieber-laser tag kerfuffle...Would Taylor Swift really call a song about John Mayer "Dear John"?

SEEN: Taylor Momsen's boobettes...Jessica Simpson crossing paths with Nick Lachey at West Hollywood restaurant Red O...Kim Kardashian having her cake and Kanye too at her 30th birthday party in Manhattah, sharing b-day cake with fans in Toronto, and celebrating in Las Vegas...David Arquette chatting up a gaggle of blondes at the Roosevelt Hotel in Hollywood, amiably watching daughter Coco's equestrian show with Courteney, and speaking out against Prop 23 in Sacramento...Jennifer Lopez's twins Max and Emme, "modeling" for a Gucci ad on a Malibu beach...Hilary Swank's skipping a shave at Elle magazine's 17th Annual Women in Hollywood Tribute...Sarah Jessica Parker and Michelle Obama being fabulous at the Night on Broadway fundraiser in NYC...Sienna Miller hosting opening night of Esquire House Los Angeles, then grabbing a bite with Jason Segel at the Den.

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