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Okay. You can either go antiquing, or read what you missed in the world of Soup this week.

Excellent choice. Now, let's get started.

1. The Real Housewives of D.C.: It's apparenty a lot easier to enjoy a White House dinner than it is to sit through the RHODC reunion special, at least if you're Michaele and Tareq Salahi. Particularly when Catherine Ommanney is a bit more than slightly P.O'd at you. OMG.

Four more after the jump!

2. Jersey Shore: Our nation may be mourning the final edition of Jersey Shore, but at least we had the lovely parting gift of The Situation and a couple discerning partners doing some dirty bidness in the men's room stall. You didn't see these moves on DWTS, kids.

3. Kristen Stewart: Most mornings on Live With Regis and Kelly, there's a lot that needs to be explained to lovable caveman Reeg. Lucily, leggy Kristen is on hand to fill him in on stripper poles.

4. The Amazing Race: The intrepid—sorry, amazing—racers are making their way around the globe showing fortitude, ingenuity, and and just how dumb Americans can be.

5. The View: He's hot, he's sexy and he's a dunce. No, he's not The Situation, but Playgirl's own Levi Johnston, who stopped by to woo the ladies of The View and discuss his well-thought-out plans for his Wasilla mayoral candidacy. You can always write in The Situation, Wasillians.