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Topical Jokes to Soothe Your J-Woww, Kardashian and Beyoncé Infections

Jenni 'J Woww' Farley Larry Marano/Getty Images

Jersey Shore creature J-Woww was offered $400,000 to strip for Playboy, but turned it down. She explained to Ryan Seacrest on his radio show, "There is a better opportunity out there, which everybody will probably see soon."

Of course there's a better opportunity out there. This is America, the land of milk and honey. Which, incidentally, are two of the items J-Woww will have licked off of her in this better opportunity she's speaking of.

There's more after the jump!


Kim Kardashian Ray Tamarra/Getty Images

Kim Kardashian and John Mayer were recently spotted out in New York together, but Millionaire Matchmaker host Patti Stanger doesn't think Kim should date him. She says Kim would "chew him up and spit him out and chew him up again."

That's ridiculous, Patti. Kim doesn't do that with men. Only with cheeseburgers.


Beyonce Knowles Jonathan Pavel/FilmMagic

Beyoncé's mom Tina Knowles put an end to the speculation when she told Ellen DeGeneres that Beyoncé is not pregnant.

Well she's also not an actress, but she's still in movies. So when it comes to Beyoncé, we'll believe it when we don't see a baby come out.

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