When it comes to kids, Deputy Steve knows a thing or two. Or six, actually; the man has sired that many little Seagals from three different women over his long and fruitful career.

And when it comes to drugs, the lawman is equally well-versed, being a lawman. Luckily, he can combine these two worlds of knowledge for the benefit of others.

Really, folks. If you're considering a lucrative career in drug slinging, you may want to opt for a pit bull or two in lieu of children. You can still hide drugs in the dog toys, and after you've banked significant profits and are ready to move into, say, porn production, you can always bless your lives with children at that point.

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