How often do you see a game of tetherball with a hive of killer bees presented to you in all three dimensions? Precisely. And I am not exaggerating. Per box office analyst Jeff Bock of Exhibitor Relations, "Jackass 3D is that rare film where 3-D truly enhanced the experience, and a decade-worth of fans all came out to see the freak show."
As the kids might say, I just pwned you, shawtay. Now, about that Jersey Shore movie you're wishing for so badly:
There have been no plans announced, only hoaxes and wishful Craig Ferguson sketches. However, if there were such a catastrophe in the works, experts say it probably would smush the box office. Yes, really.
"Hell yes, a Jersey Shore movie would make money right now," Bock tells me. "Given the phenomenal success of Jackass, I think MTV would be wise to take a long, hard look at making Jersey Shore: Shore Leave.
"Doubtful it would actually make more than $15 million to $20 million, but still, it probably wouldn't cost over a couple million to make, and would be highly profitable in ancillary markets, such as DVD sales."
Indeed. Ron Ron Juice for everyone.
One caveat to Snooki and crew, if they're reading this, which, of course, assumes they can read:
"Unlike the cast of merry pranksters from Jackass, the Jersey Shore cast will burn out pretty soon," Bock warns. "So it's now or never."
That right. No time for gymming, tanning or laundry. Run, Pauly D, run!