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    Jessica Simpson Shops With a Dog—but You Can't

    Jessica Simpson PhamousFotos / Splash News

    Why are celebs allowed to bring their little dogs everywhere and normal people aren't? I just saw a picture of Jessica Simpson with her dog at Ralphs!
    —F.S.

    Well, if I told you that Jessica Simpson's Maltipoo was the world's smallest, curliest Seeing Eye dog, would you believe me? No? God, you're jaded.

    "We allow only Seeing Eye dogs in our stores," Ralphs spokesman Terry O'Neill told this B!tch. "Otherwise, no dogs. It's a [city] health department issue."

    So. There you have it. Daisy must be a Seeing Eye dog! A very decorative Seeing Eye dog. That happens to fit inside a Louis Vuitton carryall bag. And on that Vuitton bag is a tag with the words "Daisy, the Seeing Eye dog." That tag is invisible to all but C-list has-been reality stars, but it's there, all right.

    Still not satisfied? Read an alternative explanation after the jump.

    Perhaps Jessica just smuggled the dog into the produce section? (The photo at left was taken moments after this one.)

    "People do have little dogs," O'Neill mused. "Sometimes they sneak them into the store."

    Aha! So Jessica, that paragon of privacy and quiet living, slipped ninjalike into a Ralphs grocery emporium unseen by all except the mob of paparazzi following her. Now that makes sense. Right?

    No? What do you people want? The truth? That of course celebrities regularly get away with dodging the rules because too many average people think they have to bend the rules for them?

    It's the same principle behind those five cops who showed up to "clear the sidewalk" when paparazzi were hanging around Nicole Richie one day last year. (Longtime law enforcement officers say a crowd-control problem of this size usually calls for one officer, or maybe two.)

    Just remember that next time you want to hop on the comment boards and proclaim that stars are just normal people who deserve to be treated like everyday folk—everyday folk with very tiny, very pretty Seeing Eye dogs.

    Got a question about Hollywood? ASK IT!

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