Robert Pattinson, Kristen Stewart

MAC/Fame Pictures

Dear Ted:
What's with all these recent Robsten sightings? Do they just not give a sparkling vampire bum what people think about them anymore? Plus, they've looked kind of buzzed every time we've seen them lately!

Dear Twi-Love Buzz:
These two are totally fangin' it. Obviously, they're out and about because they can't get enough of each other, whether we like it or not. And, hello, when did they ever give a bum about what people think, as long as they've got enough cig butts at the end of the night?

Dear Ted:
Is Nicole Richie Cass Stimulatia?

Dear Overly Stimulated:
No, but a very good-guess on the weirdly famous part.

Dear Ted:
What is Katy Perry really like? She seems like a fake diva who uses people to get ahead, drops them once she gets what she wants and acts differently when she knows she has cameras on her! Ugh.

Dear Cal-Ugh-fornia Hater:
Would a fake diva really have that many bridesmaids by her side? She's a doll and we can all see that from this coast. So maybe it's time to get some Cali sunshine in your life? It does a New Yorker good! Just don't steal it from Katy...she'll need it when she ties the knot in India.

Dear Ted:
Edward and Bella are going to last forever if Stephanie sticks to her word, but Robsten, I'm not that sure. How much time do you give them? I think they look great together!

Dear Curiosity Killed the Vamp:
Those two are about as easy to get through as the books were. Who knows and who dares to question that ticking love bomb. As long as they are snugglin' and smilin' (and snarlin', too), we know they'll make it at least through Breaking Dawn. Otherwise, no one will break their bank to see the flick.

Dear Ted:
Why so little scoop about your newest members of the B.V. family, Meribeth Bush and Cass Stimulatia? Surely your fans must be as curious as I am to hear more! Can you drop a few hints, pretty please? Who is the more famous of the two? Who's older? Are they known for being film actors or TV?

Dear B.V. Devoted:
Not much more to say on Cass, super sad story, sorry. As for Meribeth, cannot believe no one's gotten this one. Bigass hint in her last name, girlfriends.

Dear Ted:
Please tell me that Pepper is not Saints Super Bowl MVP Drew Brees. It would break my heart after seeing that adorable picture of him lifting his son in the air at the Super Bowl win.
No Name

Dear Too Much Salt:
Nope, and he sure ain't a saint no matter what uniform he's got on. Typical dog stuff.

Dear Ted:
Has Nevis Divine finally made a clear choice between his girlfriend and boyfriend, or is he still having his cake and eating it too?

Dear Must Know:
Or did you mean to write coke and eat it, too?  The answer is an unequivocal yes.

Dear Ted:
My canine best friend passed away this weekend. I had her for many years, after rescuing her from a shelter. Can you throw me a bone, so to speak, and tell me what Chris Klein has been up to lately? I saw his Mamma Mia audition footage, and he looked like a mess. Is it wrong that I'd love to see him come out of rehab and get back with a certain notable ex of his?

Dear Wishful Digging:
Hate to leave you without a bone, but Chris has got nothing cookin', neither business nor pleasure as of now. No one ever died of wishful thinking, so I say go ahead and keep hoping for a rekindle, but I can't say he'll be digging up that old flame. Still, you deserve a big doggy bone. You're awesome and I bet your BFF was too.

Dear Ted:
How about creating a column exclusively to answer Twilight-related emails? I'm sure you get enough questions each day to fill multiple blogs. There are basically only two short years left and you know the volume of questions and comments will only increase when B.D. starts shooting and WFE and OTR are released. This way all of the Nonstens can steer clear and don't have to email and post how much they hate the Robsten-focused items. And the Twi-hards can revel in their favorite cast as the series comes to a close. Just an idea I hope you seriously consider. Thanks!

Dear Twi-ker:
Since I don't believe in breaking any Twi-hearts, for now at least, I'm going to say I'll consider. But can't say I'll promise anything about the seriously part.

Dear Ted:
I am going through a very nasty divorce right now and looking to you to cheer me up. How about an update on Cruella St. Shackles and Marky Sweet-Puss? Any chance that Marky is about to send Cruella back to the North Pole? Or is he a least thinking about finding some "outside recreation" to help him through? If so, I'll shimmy on my hottest outfit and hightail it down to Nashville.
I love me some Marky!

Dear Marky Maniac:
They're still (surprisingly) together. Stupidly, Sweet-Puss is still not ready to send that be-yotch to the icebergs where she belongs, but you got one thing right: Some hanky-panky habits never die.

Dear Ted:
I am so excited for the Twilight tell-all book, but when will it be released, because surely Summit will put a stop to it till all the films have been released?

Dear Too Twi-cited:
This tell-all has been a sell-out so far. No news, but I'm sure when it does hit the stands, Twi-hards will make sure each and every copy is sold out. Let's just hope the deets don't cause any heart or Twi-attacks.  

Dear Ted:
Has Elisabetta Canalis ever been a B.V.?

Dear I'm Bored Already:

Dear Ted:
Any news from James Lafferty? Any girlfriend? Projects outside of OTH?

Dear Laff-Out-Loud:
One Tree Hill
is the only Hollywood hill this hunk has been climbing.

Dear Ted:
I have a theory about Kate Bosworth and Alexander Skarsgård. I think they are trying to be like Robsten...truly. They think that if they pretend not to want the paps around, which we all know they do, then people will buy into them more. Thus making them more in demand and sought after by the Industry. As if!! Kate could never and will never have the talent or career of Kristen. And Kate has been around a long time and has developed a not-so-nice reputation to say the least. Alex is hot, but Rob is just the epitome.

Dear Robsten Ranter:
Uh duh, every celeb couple loves a good photo op here and there. Kristen is no doubt the hit movie starlet among every tween and their mom right now, but Kate and Kris hardly share the same audience...that's for sure. While they may be popular with the paparazzi as of late, who knows if Kate's really a Kris copy? As for who's mature about all this picture snapping, I'd say none of the above. I mean they are all in PR puppy love, right?

Dear Ted:
I just wanted to say your comment a little while ago about your mom not being accepting of you broke my heart. My best friend is gay, and her parents are not tolerant, and it really hurts me so much to see her go through that. So, I wanted to ask a more serious question. Do you think homosexuality is becoming more of a "non-issue?"

Dear Thanks But:
I'm OK with what happened to me growing up, truly. I appreciate the concern, but I just put it out there as an example of where I came from—not who I am now. And to answer your question, I'm afraid your letter proves it's still, unfortunately, quite a problem for society. Particularly stick-in-its-butt America.

Dear Ted:
There have been so many rumors on the comment boards the last week, so I am just going to come right out and ask you: Are Rob Pattinson and Kristen Stewart engaged? Congrats on your new digs BTW. Moving is such a pain in the arse.
Straight Talk Please

Dear Jumpin' the Wedding Gun:
Straight up, these two love birds are just getting started. I doubt a Robsten wedding is in the works anytime soon. I mean, they just started flashing their fangs and smiling. PDAs do not constitute engagement foreplay. This wedding is def TBA. 

Dear Ted:
Would you confirm a Blind Vice if that subject was deceased?

Dear Death Nail:
Most likely, yes.

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