Sure, it's 90 degrees in October, but that doesn't mean our news doesn't come wrapped in warmth, good tidings and a little bit of raffia for earthy texture:
EMPIRE STATE OF MIND: With Khloé getting all domestic these days, unpregnant California girl Kim Kardashian is joining unpregnant Kourtney for E!'s new series Kourtney & Kim Take Manhattan, premiering in January. So far, the sisters have scouted locations for Dash, taken in the sights and been privy to more of Scott Disick's public—but this time heroic?—antics. Meanwhile, Kendall and Kylie Jenner continue to expand the brand in L.A.
DAILY DOH!: Apparently Rick Sanchez never got the memo about it not being a good idea to publicly suggest that Jews control the media. And to top it all off, he insulted Jon Stewart, who never lets a good gaffe go to waste. Fired from CNN after his verbal double bogey, Sanchez apologized profusely and blamed his nonsensical talk on exhaustion.
FIDDY SENSE: Chelsea Handler, doing pretty well in the global hierarchy, put a stop to rumors that she and 50 Cent are an item, the first time she didn't joke about "full penetration" when talking about celebrities who may or may not be hooking up with each other.
THIRD TIME'S A CHARM: Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart were spotted a gasket-blowing three times together in L.A. this week: checking out a band at the Troubador in West Hollywood, enjoying a nice Italian supper (minus the paparazzi waiting outside), and dining at Weho's exclusive SoHo house.
AW: Johnny Depp visited a London school in full Jack Sparrow gear after a 9-year-old girl invited him to come help the kids wage mutiny. As if enough women didn't want to offer up their booty to him already.
WE CAN WORK IT OUT: Capts. Hansen, Hillstrand and Hillstrand reconsider, come back for Deadliest Catch's seventh season.
GANGBUSTERS: The Miami Police Department mistakenly encouraged vigilant citizens to report gang activity involving Jay-Z.
BAT-S&%$ CRAZY: Ozzy Osbourne was not at all pleased to learn an anti-gay church group played "Crazy Train" while protesting on the steps of the U.S. Supreme Court to support their cause.
REACHING OUT: Tim Gunn revealed a past suicide attempt in a PSA for the It Gets Better project, one of the many celebrity responses to a string of suicides of young gay people who have been victims of harassment.
TMI: Courtney Love leaves Twitter after accidentally letting us in on her disturbing love life.
WEDDING BELLS: Are ringing for Dave Annable this weekend...will ring for The Biggest Loser contestants Sam Poueu and Stephanie Anderson...and for Seth Rogen and Lauren Miller...and The Daily Show's John Oliver and Kate Norley.
MUSICAL NOTES: Video wars, Bristol Palin vs. Levi Johnston...Inside Britney's new album...Miley Cyrus continues to mature in her "Who Owns My Heart" video...Justin Bieber's not the only one, er, named Justin Bieber...Glee bigger than the Beatles, in a way...Kanye West reveals Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy...Hear a not yet released Taylor Swift tune.
FILM SCHOOL: Michelle Williams and Ryan Gosling's Blue Valentine was deemed too blue for a simple "R"...Anderson Cooper got Universal to pull its trailer for The Dilemma after objecting to Vince Vaughn referring to a situation as "so gay"...Breaking Dawn cast expands to include Drew Roy...Rooney Mara morphing into The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo...Paul Rudd strapping on fake junk for the eligible Jennifer Aniston in Wanderlust...Sandra Bullock steps into Angelina Jolie's long shadow...Chelsea Handler will play Reese Witherspoon's frenemy in This Means War...Noomi Rapace finishes up in The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet's Nest trailer...All-star cast spruces up The Tempest trailer...Zach Snyder directing Superman reboot.
TV LAND: Turns out Max Weinberg's ticker couldn't keep up with Conan O'Brien's beat...David Letterman apologizes to Rachael Ray for serving up an extra helping of hard time...Two and a Half Men's half-man makes way more than most whole men...Gail Simmons reacts to twin fruitcakes on Top Chef: Just Desserts...Michaele Salahi, none too popular in D.C., doesn't scare anyone...More on who's replacing Bethenny on The Real Housewives of New York...Jersey Shore about to get South Parked...Lone Star done, Outlaw possibly next...Justin Bieber could be the next Ashton Kutcher...Wonder Woman reboot a go...SPOILER ZONE!
GAVEL BANGING: Madonna fan must remain 10 blocks away...Anna Nicole Smith drug case goes to jury...David Beckham wanted for deposition...Jail time for John Stamos' would-be blackmailers...Donny and Marie sued...Dora the Explorer's 14-year-old star sues Nickelodeon...Russell Brand off the hook...Toni Braxton's bankruptcy do-over...More defamation damages for Lily Allen...Natalie Mejia cops to cocaine possession...Injured Transformers 3 extra sues Paramount...Oksana Grigorieva's bodyguard kept away from her and Mel Gibson's kid...Big Brother winner Adam Jasinski jailed...Danielle Staub settles up with ex-hubby...Die Hard director sentenced to prison.
MEDICAL BILLS: Juliette Lewis banged up in a hit-and-run accident...Michael Douglas finishes last round of chemo...Lisa Rinna showed off her dramatically reduced lips...Duane "Dog" Chapman recovering from bounty-hunting injury.
FAREWELL: Friends, fellow comedians pay respects to Greg Giraldo.
SEEN: Renée Zellweger and Bradley Cooper double-dating with Alyssa Milano and hubby...Tom Cruise's impressive abs on the set of Mission: Impossible 4...George Clooney meeting with refugees in southern Sudan...Midnight in Paris costars Rachel McAdams and Michael Sheen strolling hand in hand in Toronto.