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    Bitch-Back! Brangelina, Beards and Blinds Galore!

    Angelina Jolie, Brad Pitt Kevin Winter/Getty Images

    Dear Ted:
    What's up with Brangelina lately? The rumors of a breakup have been circulating for years now, and they're hardly pictured together much anymore. They certainly seem to be more popular as a couple than as singletons, but I can't imagine the money is enough to keep them together forever. I'm confused by your sudden thaw toward Angie lately. If she controls her image as tightly as has been claimed, couldn't it be reasoned that their entire relationship is a PR gimmick by this point as well?
    —Chicken Nugget

    Dear Bust-Up:
    Money isn't what keeps them together. Not by a long shot. Try kids! That's not to say Brad and Angie don't still have that fire for each other, par-tick in the bedroom, they just have a lot of issues that are far more complicated than most know. Can't simply write this relationship off as a PR gimmick.

    Dear Ted:
    I have learned so much about how Hollywood works over the years from you. I have a question about how bearding works. Do the girls' friends and family know that the relationship is fake? It just seems that lots of people would likely know the truth, and they can't all be great secret keepers. And not to be greedy, but if there is a big wedding, does the guy's real love attend and have to look happy?
    —Samantha D

    Dear Beardolitics:
    There are a select few, very select, who know the ins and outs of a faux relationship, and usually it's just the reps and handlers. For the most part, the secretive relaysh is bound in print. Literally.

    Dear Ted:
    Who is more solid in their current relaysh, Twyla or Terry?
    —H

    Dear Twilight Tizzy:
    I'd say Twyla and Terry are both content.

    Dear Ted:
    I haven't heard much about Kelly Preston's pregnancy lately. How do you think she is doing? It must be hard for a woman her age.
    —C

    Dear Comes With Age:
    This isn't her first time at the preggers rodeo; she knew what to expect going into it.

    Dear Ted:
    Any chance that our own Peggy Olsen, Elisabeth Moss, is Maribeth Bush? She's filming On the Road with at least one of your B.V.s who might be seen as more likely to stir things up. If E.M. is not the diva, has the real culprit done TV as well as films?
    —Tortietude

    Dear Mad Woman:
    Sorry hon, E.M. is not Maribeth! That girl has had enough drama in her own life lately (thanks a lot, Scientology). She isn't creating any professionally.

    Dear Ted:
    My witch senses are telling me that Secretia Ohio and Chester Shorts-Off are having a bit o' drama right now and are looking desperate over the not so small affair hitting them in the face. Will there be a scarlet letter in Chester's future, or is their relationship based simply on an indecent proposal? Does your infinite wisdom tell you if this misguided duo ever go into full disclosure about their no-strings-attached deal, or will they continue the very public charade and make the public try and guess who is telling the truth? No furry ones of my own, but my son and I volunteer for pet adoptions on the weekends. This weekend felines and canines are looking for parents!
    —Bookworm

    Dear Fast Times at Vicey High:
    Actually, Secretia and Chester are one of the more highly functioning couples in Hollywood, Vice and all. Hell, the fact that they don't play by romance's conventional norms is probably why they've lasted so long together. Haven't heard of anything out of the ordinary lately for them. Do hope it stays that way ‘cause being swingers is either a hit or a miss. Keep up your volunteer work babe, love it!

    Dear Ted:
    Am I the only one who loves Rachel McAdams and Michael Sheen together? Yes, I'd prefer Rachel and Ryan Gosling, but we have to move on. Michael is handsome (in my opinion) and a fantastic actor—one of my faves. So why all the hate/confusion over McSheen?
    —Happy

    Dear Love and Let Go:
    We hardly hate it. It's actually a good relationship rebound for Rach after dating a guy like Ry. It's just taking some getting used to on this blolum. How would you feel about the next guy or girl Robert Pattinson or Kristen Stewart stepped out with?

    Dear Ted:
    What is going on with Parrish Maguire? We had a few updates this summer, but any word if he has he changed his closeted tune? Or is he laying low, doing what his handlers want?
    —Evans

    Dear Do What Your Told:
    We feel bad for Parrish; he really is a mini Toothy Tile. He's running with his crew on the down-low (unless you live in Hollywood, then his sexuality isn't exactly a secret), still insisting that this is just an "experimental phase."

    Dear Ted:
    I love all of the Blind Vice articles, but I was thinking, why don't you "out" them all. It would get you a ton of publicity and then everyone would know the truth. And will you ever reveal Toothy Tile's identity.
    —Curious

    Dear No Way:
    I would never out someone, celeb or not.

    Dear Ted:
    I recently saw a picture of Lady Gaga in NYC, and she didn't look that skinny, she almost looked fat. I thought she was skinny. Is she on some kind of yo-yo diet like Xtina?
    Sant

    Dear Fit or Fat:
    Please, Lady G is hardly fat! With fifty or so shutterbugs following you around one is bound to get an unflattering shot. We think she looks more fab than ever. Girlfriend has started eating again!

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