Blind Vice

There lies a point when the debauched dalliances of our more storied Blind Vice celebs turn from sultry to sad. And it sure is getting that way, fast, for our beloved closeted movie idol, Crotch Uh-lastic.

Poor Crotch. He used to amuse us all so much, by divining these ultra-elaborate kinky sex hook-ups, totally hot and daring stuff! But no more.

Now, Crotch is just plain ol' stupid:

Many of Crotch's close friends, colleagues and reps are hugely worried about the handsome dude. He's starting to do dumb things. He tweaks out all night, doesn't sleep, and then stumbles his way through interviews the next day.

Now, it's nothing new for Crotch to weirdly work his way through a chat with a journo—it's always been a charming side to the dimpled boy. But now all charm's been replaced by hollow eyes and listless pale skin.

"He's losing it," emphasizes a close confidant, adding Crotch's sexual escapades are "practically out in the open" to people in the business now. No one knows what's really going on up in Lastic's lonesome abode because he's exiling those close to him, beard included, who has stuck by him through a lot.

And it's not just risk-taking hook-up scenes, which we've mentioned before. But now the not-eating, staying up all night Hollywood way of living seems to have completely, sadly, taken over Crotch's very hunky existence.

Thing is it's not like Crotch is partying his talent away. You definitely won't see him out at the clubs with Leonardo DiCaprio's bromantic crew. Instead, CU-L is just isolating himself, ignoring calls for days, and appearing wackier and wackier whenever he mingles in with the real world.

Uh-Lastic doesn't even bother with the beard significant other anymore. No wonder the guy's been freaking people out lately with his career. Huge waste.

And It Ain't: Zac Efron, Leonardo DiCaprio, Tom Cruise

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