They just don't know how to quit you. They, of course, being the celebrity Twitter class, and you being their adoring followers.
Which is why for every Miley Cyrus, who quit the social network cold turkey last year (and who has admirably never looked back) or Ricky Gervais, who took his ball and went home after a whopping six tweets, there are dozens more who threaten to quit, reap the headlines, and are back talking about that amazing cupcake they just ate, all before the fail whale has time to fully load.
Here, the five worst celebrity offenders of the fair-weather tweet:
1. John Mayer: Way back in January of this year, John gave the Internets its first glimpse of freedom, launching a self-imposed, weeklong break from Twitter. Why? He wanted to "read books," "track the words of others as they're spoken," not seek "superficial attention/affection," and see "the bigger, beautiful picture." Naturally, he heralded his return by waxing philosophical about the relationship between a man and his pants. He then spent the better part of the year predicting the fall of Twitter, only to wind up ultimately felled himself: last month, he handed in his d-bag card (for now) and quit (again), citing his desire to create lasting art. Or maybe it's all just an elaborate plan to win Jennifer Aniston back?
2. LeAnn Rimes: Oh, LeAnn. The scandal-tinged country gal was tired of martyring herself for love and in July called time on her Twitter account. Sadly, just one week later, time called back. "Taking a break from Twitter for awhile," she wrote on July 8. "It's unhealthy for me and my family to have to read negative comments from people who's opinions have no bearing on my life." Cut to July 15: "Hi twitter land! Missing u all and thought I'd just say hello! I have so many darling fans and want you all to know how much u r appreciated." Talk about a glutton for punishment. Of course, seeing as how just a couple short months later, a series of her tweets sparked yet more problems between beau Eddie Cibrian and his ex-wife Brandi Glanville, maybe she should've just stayed away.
3. Chris Brown: It may be okay to finally start liking him again (um…), but back in December, America's most hated R&B man shut down his Twitter account, not because he posted a ridiculous, invective-laden series of rants the day prior (oh, no), but because he had had it with the haters. Of which, presumably, there were plenty. "I wanna thank my fans for all the support. I love yall. Goodbye!!!!!!!!!!!!" the erstwhile Mechanical Dummy wrote. Well, guess what? Three short months later, his verified self was back online with a brand new account, and mood. "#howyouathug when u got a lower back tattoo of your zodiac sign? Lol," was his inaugural tweet. Twitter's gain is the English language's loss.
4. Courtney Love: What can we say about Courtney Love? That hasn't already been said about Lindsay Lohan and Amy Winehouse, that is. Luckily, Court has done most of the talking herself—and to her own detriment—leading to her twice quitting the social network. The first came in the wake of a lawsuit-sparking Twitter tantrum against her designer, leading her to shut down both of her (over)active accounts last October. By January of this year, Love was unable to resist the lure of 140-characters and opened a new account, which she christened by promptly posting topless photos of herself, calling out her daughter Frances Bean Cobain, putting former love Edward Norton on blast, feuding with Lily Allen (herself back from a brief Twitter respite) and, oh, yeah, posting more topless photos of herself. Yesterday, she explained that the latest of her body-sharing pics was accidental and quit again. BRB?
5. Demi Lovato: With much less fanfare and considerably less controversy (not to mention a fraction of the headlines), Disney's still-pristine teen dream took a page out of Miley's book last month and attempted to peace out of Twitter. "About to say goodbye to twitter…I love my fans so much but the access that the other people have is uncomfortable to me," she wrote. "Twitterbreak. Peace." Not including the RTs she fired off later that morning (ahem), the break was broken just one measly week later. "Guess who's baccckkk…." They always are, Demi. They always are.
Did we leave off the worst celebrity Twitter quitter? Tell us in the comments!