When you get to be Regis' age, it takes a team of doctors to keep you upright. So many, in fact, that it's easy to become confused as to which is which. That said, Reeg, this level of confusion is a bit much.
Opthamologist, gynecologist...they're actually more related than you think. After all, it's like that saying: The eyes are the window to the sole purpose of man's existence: the vagina.