Frank Ockenfels/FOXGlee will be better than ever! The Big Bang Theory will explode (in a good way) on Thursday nights! The new Hawaii Five-0 will catch a big wave!
Ah, such high hopes as the fall TV season kicks off Monday. But as history warns, the best-laid series returns and debuts sometimes go very, very wrong:
1. Star Trek Loses Its Mind, Sept. 20, 1968: The Enterprise lost Spock's brain?! D'oh! Even worse than Trek's third-season opener was the fact that NBC had moved the show from Fridays at kid-friendly 8:30 p.m. to the wasteland that was Fridays at 10 p.m. As expected, its already-shaky ratings didn't improve, and the series was as doomed as a guy in a red shirt..
2. Dollhouse Gets Played, Feb. 13, 2009: So, fast-forward 40 years from Star Trek, and Friday nights and sci-fi still don't go together. In the beginning, Fox was so enthused by Joss Whedon's Eliza Dushku vehicle, it greenlighted the show sans a pilot. Then the network proceeded to schedule it for Fridays at 9 p.m., behind the equally unlucky Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles. That the series survived to air 25 barely watched episodes was a testament to Whedon's fan base—and TiVo.
3. Viva Laughlin Rolls Snake Eyes, September 2007: There have been faster flameouts, but few more ambitious ones. Executive produced by Hugh Jackman, who appeared in the pilot, Viva Laughlin was a musical-mystery drama set in a casino. (Think Glee, except totally not.) It was sneaked on a Thursday night after CSI, and blew nearly 60 percent of its lead-in audience. Three nights later, it aired in what was to be its regular time slot, and drew CBS even fewer viewers. The morning after that, it was done.
4. Osbournes: Reloaded Fires a Blank, March 31, 2009: To say this Fox variety series was aired only once isn't entirely accurate: In some cities, it never aired at all, shunned by stations nervous that Ozzy Osbourne's outspoken clan would say something that didn't jibe with their family-friendly American Idol lead-in. Critics who watched had plenty to say, little of it good. Slated for six episodes, the show never made it past its (sorta) first.
5. Saturday Night Live Reboots—Badly, Nov. 9, 1985: Lorne Michaels was back! Madonna was host! The cast was all-new! The premiere-night ratings were big! What could go wrong? Everything. Audiences might have tuned in, but they didn't like what they saw. Neither did NBC. As cancellation loomed, Michaels gutted the show, and recruited the Material Girl to appear in the following fall's opener to ask for a do-over.
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