Grab some popcorn, everybody—John Mayer has something to say.
"GO F--K YOURSELF!"
There, now. Wasn't that worth it? Here's what's got his goat this week...
The Huffington Post. Specifically, its front-page story this week speculating on whether or not he and Jennifer Aniston were getting back together. (Gee, where do they come up with these things?!).
Though it's not the speculation that irked Mayer. It's that he expected more from the blog.
"Huffington Post, this is reporting?" he wrote on his tumblr. "How do you pay your writers now, in Silly Bandz? Do you meet your sources in a malt shoppe? This is equal parts fabricated, cobbled together and misleading."
Partially because the quotes they chose to pull from his Hollywood Bowl concert in an attempt to prove the former couple's reunion were, for the most part, song lyrics.
"Let's break it down: I don't think I ever said 'I believe in second chances!' but I can't be 100 percent sure, as it's possible I could have accidentally said something succinctly and to the point."
No danger of that this time around, though!
"The next sentence is from the song 'Half of My Heart' in reference to the idea that meeting new people allows for hiding old mistakes…The sentence about texting comes from the show's encore, 'Edge of Desire'…two sentences about different things at different points in a concert."
So why didn't Mayer spread his ire to those other celeb rags that picked up the story?
"The reason I'm calling you out instead of all the other magazines that make stories up out of thin air is that In Touch and Star Magazine aren't concurrently writing pieces about Pat Tillman or WikiLeaks. Those other rags know who they are, and even if they're obnoxious, I'd rather have to live with them because they (and the rest of the world) know where they stand, which doesn't make them one tenth as dangerous as you are.
"You're a stripper wearing reading glasses. Or maybe you're an insolvent law student willing to dance for a few extra dollars. Either way, it's uncomfortable to watch you try to wrap yourself around a pole when you have that C-Span scar."
Me-ouch.
Though Mayer at least did try to give the blog a bit more direction, going so far as to suggest a headline for the inevitable follow-up story based on his latest diatribe: "JOHN MAYER SLAMS HUFFPO: 'GO F--K YOURSELF!' "
Well, it does have a certain ring to it, but sadly not what the site went with in the end. Incidentally, the Huffington Post did manage to keep its priorities in check and in response to Mayer's critique offered up the following riposte:
"He does not deny that he and Aniston are dating."
Except, sadly, he did. (Sadly, that is, for HuffPo, not the thousands of women willing to overlook the occasional outbreak of douchiness in order to gain their 15 minutes).
At a concert stop in Irvine his week, Mayer set the record straight, calling himself "completely single," and, once again, telling tabloids what they should be writing. That John, always a giver.
"If those magazines were right at all, it would say, 'Sources close to Mayer say he's having an awesome time with Internet pornography for about 45 minutes every morning.' "
Hey, John? Consider it done.
Who knew Internet porn was one of The Many Lusts of John Mayer? Check out the rest in our gallery!