Lindsay Lohan, Machete Poster

While Lindsay Lohan was out pimping every product, uh, ever, her Machete costars (and director) were at the Orpheum Theatre in Los Angeles Wednesday night promoting their latest project.

Even though La Lohan was a no-show—more on that in a second—the cast and crew that teamed up with the chick had nothing but nice things to say about her. Think we're telling the truth here?

Holy Hermès handbag, we are!

First, let's get that nasty business of the postrehab babe ditching the red carpet out of the way. Yesterday, Linds' lawyer, Shawn Chapman Holley, gabbed that L.L. would not be showing up at the "splashy" event because she's "very serious about her sobriety."

Last we checked you could be, you know, sober at splashy events. And hell, we think a good way to focus on work is by promoting the friggin' project you were given a role in.

But fyi, we're told that Lindsay did indeed want to be there. "I hear she really wanted to come, actually," a source inside the event dished.

Director Robert Rodriguez isn't mad though. When we asked him if he was disappointed Linds wasn't out promoting the flick, the friendly fellow said, "No, there's three more premieres coming up, so she'll see one of them."

He also doesn't feel he took a risk giving Linds the opportunity to appear opposite, for starters, Robert De Niro. "Have you seen it? She's great! She's great in the movie. You'll see that she's perfect for it," Rob said of the dyed-blond bombshell.

Perfect indeed. Not to give too much away, but Linds' character is, shall we say, a drug enthusiast who appears naked throughout 85 percent of the movie (though, maybe 80 percent, since we're pretty sure we spotted a freckle-less body double...even though Lohan still shows off the goods later? Bizzaro.).

Another babe, Venezuelan actress Electra Avellan, who appeared with L.L., described her as "the funnest, most professional, amazing" gal and said: "I'm sad that she had to go through those things, but I'm very proud of her because she's back on top. She's working right now. It's like, she went straight to set. She had to miss this premiere to go to work."

Hmmm, well, we've already addressed the M.I.A. part, but why hold Electra to it, especially when she dished this little goodie about exactly how badass Linds can be: "She taught me how to kick ass! She was like ‘You have to do it sexy. You can't look like a bitch!' and I'm like ‘OK!' so [she] taught me exactly how to move and turn my head and my back. Amazing!"

Even Machete himself, Danny Trejo, seemed quite taken by the actress, getting serious when he told us: "Her personal life is her personal life. On set she's an absolute pro: on time, brings it and fun to work with. She'll be alright."

Whatever. Lohan included, we say the whole movie is amazing: If Quentin Tarantino—who sat next to his director bestie Robert a row in front of us during the screening—could not stop cracking up, then we know this movie will be a hit.

For more premiere goss, follow Ted and John on Twitter!

Photos: See who showed up to Machete in Movie Premiere Panedmonium!

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