You mean you don't walk out of your house every morning sporting $300 designer headphones and holding up a RockStar energy drink like a girl in a parade? What an odd, exotic creature you are.
For the record, it appears that Lohan's photo wasn't, as you understandably suspect, a paid product-placement ploy. At least, not directly:
For starters, here's a breakdown of what we see in the photo.
Yes, the people who make V-MODA headphones are officially thrilled that LiLo's first post-rehab photo shows the actress sporting a pair. Through our own party girl, Cristina Gibson, V-MODA insists it did not pay Lohan to wear the headphones.
But then again, LiLo didn't have to buy them either. She was gifted them at a the Kari Feinstein MTV Movie Awards lounge a few months ago.
The spokesman for RockStar didn't return calls. Can't help but notice, though: Logo toward the camera, drinking hole away from her mouth. So natural, right?
Also no word on the provenance of the Hermes belt or spendy mini-Birkin bag.
But as far as her Ray-Ban sunglasses go, no one inside that company had any idea she'd be wearing them, our news team is told.
But Ray-Ban does do a lot of product placement in Hollywood, and it wouldn't be shocking if LiLo paid as much for the sunglasses as she did for the V-Moda headphones.
In fact, if there is an agenda behind Lindsay's wardrobe in this photo, it may be a signal that she's ready to pimp any and all free swag that comes her way. It just so happens that there are quite a few gifting lounges operating this week ahead of Sunday's Emmy awards.
And, I am told, professional gifters are eager to have her.
"We've actually spoken with [Lindsay's mother] Dina over the past week or so about she and [sister] Ali attending," a spokeswoman for the next Kari Feinstein suite tells me. "And if Lindsay would like to join them, we would certainly welcome her."
In fact, despite her recent shenanigans, Lohan still holds plenty of stock with gifters; after all, compared to some celebrities, she really isn't all that bad.
"Lindsay would always be welcome at anything I was hosting!" says Lash Fary of Distinctive Assets. "I say if Rebecca Gayheart can run over children, Hugh Grant can sleep with prostitutes and Mel Gibson can be nuts, then Lindsay is certainly entitled to a little rehab without being ostracized from the gift world."
Speaking as someone who has never violated probation, I am ready to receive my free V-MODA headphones. I'd like a pair in white, please.
—Additional reporting by Marc Malkin, Gina Serpe, Brett Malec, Taryn Ryder, Sydne Summer, Jennifer Godwin and Cristina Gibson