Bitch-Back! Are These Actions Stars a Knockout?

Readers wonder about Rosie Huntington-Whiteley and Jason Statham

Dear Ted:
Here in the U.K., the Daily Mail is reporting that Rosie Huntington-Whiteley and Jason Statham are moving in together! Does that make them steady partners in your book? What do you think of this pairing? My rescue dog Jet is very curious to know! Surely neither could be a B.V. either, could they? Jason seems so, well, nice, funny and normal!
—K

Dear Pow! Bang! Splat!
Well, we all know how reliable the Daily Mail can be, but I do hear the two are très into each other. Why wouldn't they be? He's a huge action star; she's becoming the newest gratuitously hot chick in a Michael Bay flick. Perfect match, no? But c'mon, babe, don't you know by now that just because a couple is happy (or seemingly so), they can still make time for Vicey goodness?

Dear Ted:
WTF, Ted. It's all over the national media that Stephen Moyer and Anna Paquin got married over the weekend and not a word on the A.T.? I'm shocked!
—Ken

Dear I Object:
Clearly you don't follow any of Team Awful's twitters, Kenny, 'cause we totally gave the hottest newlyweds ever our best wishes (even if we weren't invited to the wedding). Get with the social-media program, 'K!

Dear Ted:
Any chance Moisty Mohr is Pat Robertson?
—Joyce

Dear Double Take:
Guess I've been talking too much Robsten lately because when I first read that I thought you asked if M2 is Robert Pattinson. To be clear, he's not either of these fellows. Stay tuned, some Moisty deets coming in a second!

Dear Ted:
Since you dusted off the old Harland Fuss B.V., can you give us an update on his relaysh with Gus, please? Are they still together? If not, who broke up with whom? And who is Fussy seeing on the DL, then, if not Gussy?
—Agusta

Dear Gus Who:
Long over, babe. Too bad, too, because they were way too hot together, but it was always more of a short-term (very) steamy hookup sitch. Neither dude expected a serious relaysh to come of it, just sex, sex and, oh yeah, more sex.

Dear Ted:
Tom Sturridge is adorably hot in that Brit way, but always seems to be the third wheel with Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart. Does he have a girlfriend or significant other?
—Lacey

Dear Sturr the Pot:
While he's single, he's definitely not lonely. He's far too cute for that, don't you think?

Dear Ted:
Is Pepper Harthman Lebron James? ESPN seems to cater to him.
—M

Dear ESP-No:
Pepp is more family friendly, less of a big shot, which isn't to say he's not excellent at his sport, just less flashy about it.

Dear Ted:
Do you think the fourth Pirates of the Caribbean movie will be any good? I can't help but feel it'll be a little weird without Orlando Bloom and Keira Knightley. And I really don't feel like Penélope Cruz belongs in the film. What do you think?
—CM

Dear Sunken Ship:
It's not the loss of Orli and K2 (who, trust, will be missed) or the addition of P.C. (which I think could actually be positive—who doesn't like sexy, funny gals?), but if the third installment of the money-grubbing franchise is any indication, the fourth will be a disaster. But people will love it because it stars Johnny Depp, right?

Dear Ted:
I adore Kathy Griffin! Her show is hysterically funny—I notice that she never drinks and says that she doesn't drink alcohol at all. Is there a story behind that?
—Tartan

Dear Chatty Kathy:
Yep, one that Kath herself has been pretty open about (both in her books and on My Life on the D-List). Alcoholism runs in her family, as she's explained, and she doesn't want to risk it. Plus, she just doesn't like the stuff. But hey, can you imagine what kind of stuff would come outta her mouth after a few drinks? Probably best she stays sober! Good for her, though.

Dear Ted:
Do your mini Vicers get to keep their monikers once they cross over into the big-bad B.V.s, or would you rename them?
—JustCurious

Dear Moniker Mania:
A Vice is a Vice is a Vice, doll. Whether it be Bonus or the "big bad" ones, only one name per celeb—that's the rule.

Dear Ted:
My puppy is sick so I need a clue to lift my spirits. Is it the first time that Priscilla Desert is kind of a beard to one of her boyfriends? And is she friends with Darla Jones?
—Celina

Dear All Prisced Out:
Ms. Desert only has one big-bearding go-round under her belt, and it wasn't that impressive, mind you. Guess it's a good thing it's over, no? As for Priscilla and Darla being pals, no. Come to think of it, doesn't seem like P.D. has too many chick friends at all.

Dear Ted:
I absolutely loved your story about Mariah Carey and the size/preggers-thing. You really nailed it, and I am so thankful for you taking a stand against this size 0 regime. You have the ears and eyes of a lot of people, and you always do wish people their health over skinny. I love Mariah and the fact that she's always embraced her femininity. Given that she sometimes could have done better with a good stylist and appropriately sized dresses...
—SugarSnap

Dear Belly Butterflies:
Of course, Sug, I think it's total BS when stars get bashed for putting on a few pounds (Jessica Simpson, Oprah, Kelly Clarkson). And I kinda like how Mariah sometimes wears outfits that don't always fit. Don't we all? It's human!

Dear Ted:
What's up with all the celebs who carry their children around? I can't help but wonder...could it be that when the paps take their pictures, the celeb in question is making sure that their face ends up on the picture and not fall into total oblivion (Katie Holmes, Jen Garner, Gwen Stefani etc.). I just get an eerie feeling every time a celeb starts pimping their children out. Not saying they should hide their offspring or have nannies, not at all. But carrying, showing fashion (what is up with that, Katie?) and keeping them in the spotlight? There is a fine line, and I do think some celebs are handling their children's upbringing out of the spotlight very well and some seem to have more of a challenge with it. What do you think?
—Sugarsnap

Dear Play Nicely:
Sure, some celebs have no qualms pimping out their pint-size mini mes for some good press, à la the ridiculous balcony photos of Ms. Jolie and her beautiful brood (which is on the tamer side even from, say, what Cruella St. Shackles does). But give the rest of these babes a break! Yes, they may get that mommy attention from the media, but it's not like they can just lock their kids in the house forever. I've heard kids actually do like to go to the park, ya know.

Dear Ted:
What the heck is up with Ashley Greene and Joe Jonas? You've told us repeatedly that they're just friends, but these pics seem to say otherwise. Is there really more going on with them than just friends, or is that just what they want us to think (hence the kissing pics)? A Twilight star and a Disney star hooking up? I think that's just too many tween fans for one couple.
—Emma

Dear Body Language:
Do they say otherwise? Maybe you're just thrown off by all that, uh, passion. And um...chemistry.

Dear Ted:
Regarding your Rob and Kristen poll. We know that if we told you to leave them the hell alone it would fall on deaf ears. You're a gossip hound, and it's your job. However, just because someone is an idiot and prints pics of Rob and Kristen's home doesn't mean you have to. The fans are right. You shouldn't have posted them. It was disgusting and disgraceful and places you in the low-life paps category. Your reason for doing it just because it was "free" on the Internet is bogus. So my question to you: Why didn't you feel bad about posting pics of their home where it's the only place for real privacy. Why? Just because you could? Where do you draw the line as a gossip hound? What are your limitations? All I ask is that you not chase them down the road or follow them like animals. Let them have some type of life together. Is that too much to ask?
—Philly Girl

Dear Privacy Shmivacy:
First of all, if you think they were getting "real privacy" at their über-publically known L.A. home, you are out of your mind. They had papz and fans swarming the place long before I posted the pics of their digs. Did you not read the item? Rob (and Kris, obviously) hardly even stays at that local anymore, since he's got a secret shack he can go to for real privacy. That said, I'm sorry if anybody (particularly Rob and Kristen!) felt we crossed a line. I have no problem apologizing for that, and I do.