Bitch-Back! Is Megan Fox Made of Wax?

Readers wonder what Megan did to her perfect puss

Dear Ted:
What's up with Megan Fox's face lately? It's becoming more and more evident that she has definitely done something. In the pictures of her from the Teen Choice Awards, it looks like she could hardly move her face!
—Melia

Dear Foxy and Frozen:
I'll 'fess. Megsy does look a bit different these days, but I wouldn't chalk her up to Nicole Kidman frozen-forehead syndrome yet. And maybe it's just me, but I think she's still smoking hot (well, me and Brian Austin Green, of course), nothing weird-looking in person. And I loved her in Eminem's new music video. Definitely thought she stole the show, no?

Dear Ted:
I used to feel sorry for Joe Jonas getting a bad reputation for dating and dumping Hollywood's teen queens. He is young and should "play the field" to find his Miss Right. It's just glaring because it's so public. But after the Demi Lovato debacle, and now this new interest in Ashley Greene, I'm starting to wonder if he's courting the limelight as well as the girls.
—Just Wondering

Dear Mr. Wrong:
Something like that, babe. But trust, neither of those ladies minds too much.

Dear Ted:
Robert Pattinson has been spotted at a lot of the same places at the same time as John Stamos and Bob Saget lately. Saget's birthday party at Stamos' house, some pro-wrestling guerilla event in Reseda, partying at the Soho House. Tell me he's not hanging out with these guys who are notorious for their womanizing and substance usage.
—Casey

Dear Worry Wart:
Maybe he's just a big Full House fan. Ever think of that, Casey?

Dear Ted:
I was wondering if you could share more on Strippa Rip-Ya. Is she a woman who clearly outshines her husband in the looks department, or would you say they're both as electrifying to look at?
—ILJR

Dear Glam Squad:
Strippa is hands-down better-looking than her hubby. Better personality too, obviously. Total bummer what's happening. Hope someone who can takes action soon.

Dear Ted:
I hear a lot of talk about Taylor Lautner playing the young Wolverine. Seeing as Hugh Jackman is Wolverine, would casting Taylor as his younger self make sense? They are totally different types. Taylor has dark olive skin and exotic, beautiful features. Hugh is just the opposite. I know it's a movie, but no one changes ethically when they grow up.
—C

Dear X-Man-Child:
Sure, we (and, ya know, biology) know that, but does Hollywood care? Not when little Tay could be the next huge action star and rake in the big comic-book money. But as we reported (and still hear), Lautner won't be taking Jackman's claws anytime soon.

Dear Ted:
Moisty. I think I've got it. Bob Barker! Am I close?
—Jenn

Dear Plinko-ed Out:
Right age, J, but the price is wrong...very, very wrong.

Dear Ted:
Out of all the Blind Vices who has you the most surprised they haven't been caught yet? Do any ever get sloppy and let their guards down?
—Helen

Dear Of Vice and Men:
Most of ‘em, actually. Sure Secretia Ohio and Chester Shorts-Off might be the sloppiest, but you'd be surprised at how many of these Blind Vice stars could get outted at any minute...but who still keep up their vices, of course. Oh, and Stud-Bucket LeBeouf. Discreet isn't in that babe's vocabulary. It's just going to take one slipup for a helluva lot of them to shape up.

Dear Ted:
Do you think Judas Jack-Off and Dashed Dingle-Dream have both always been solely into men, or do you think one or both is pretty much open to all comers?
—Shell

Dear Bros Before Hos:
Does dabbling count?

Dear Ted:
Does your lack of response to emails and eliminations mean that the suspected Vicer is in fact the right one?
—Ranya

Dear Answer Me!
Nope. You aren't the only one who thinks just because your letter doesn't get answered you're on the money. I get tons and tons of emails each day, and a lot of them are Vice guesses. But how boring would it be to have a Bitch-Back made up only of people trying to guess Cruella St. Shackles or Nelly Fang? Have to mix it up, which means I can't respond to everyone.

Dear Ted:
I was just reading an article that said, now that Lindsay Lohan is gone, her assistant is living in a new fresh hell having to work for Dina and Ali. Why doesn't she just quit? I would think stars would be knocking down this girls door, i.e., if she can handle the Lohans she can handle anything.
—Amanda F.

Dear Hell in a Handbasket:
While it may be miserable to be at the beck and call of Dina—which it is, of course—there are definite perks to hanging with the Lohans. And I'm not just talking about free ice cream, even though that's ended.

Dear Ted:
I have an idea to make things more black and white without you having to reveal any B.V.s. Let's make a scale from 1 to 10 (10 being completely opposite of the public's perception of them), and you tell me where these stars fit on that scale: Steve Carell, John Krasinski, Will Ferrell, Reese Witherspoon, Zac Efron, Sarah Jessica Parker, Ryan Reynolds Also, you are supercute, and so is Andy Cohen! Are you dating anyone? Hint Hint.
—LJ

Dear Matchmaker:
Thanks, but no thanks, doll. I don't have time to date, especially when you've listed a million people for me to slap labels on! So let's say this: three are in the upper half, three in the lower and Ryan Reynolds is smack dab in the middle.

Dear Ted:
Looks like Emma Watson is in the running for the role of Lisbeth Salander after all! (And apparently that's why she chopped off her locks.) I think she could work, but I'm actually writing in to say that 10-15 years ago this would have been Winona Ryder's role to lose. So sad what's happened to her career...
—N

Dear Ryder Home:
What do you mean Winona's career is over? Her two and a half minutes in Star Trek weren't a career highlight in your eyes?

Dear Ted;
Admit it, Jonathan Bennett is, in fact, the one and only Toothy Tile.
—Mindy

Dear T2 Lives On:
Way more popular.