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All-New Soup Tonight!

Joel McHale, The Soup E! Networks

In tonight's brand-spankin'-new batch...

The Jersey Shore returns to fill that empty hole in your life with the spray-tanned dregs of humanity...

President Obama is taken hostage by a rebel force of middle aged women and made to appear on The View to answer questions about Snooki...

Mel Gibson is possessed by the spirit of an angry pirate in his latest phone call to Oksana Grigorieva...

General Hospital lets James Franco out early for good behavior by way of a plummet from a balcony...

And America's Got Talent judge Howie Mandel stops by with the opera-singing contestant Hannibal Means to guide Joel's spirit with the help of some Macallan 18-year-old scotch... 

Catch it all tonight at 10 p.m. ET/PT!

Follow @thesoup on Twitter!

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