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    Bitch-Back! Are Erin Andrews and Maksim Chmerkovskiy the New Robsten?

    DWTS, Erin Andrews ABC/ADAM LARKEY

    Dear Ted:
    Try and find out for us if Erin Andrews is dating Maksim Chmerkovskiy. Some say she is breaking it off with Maks. Hope this is false. They make such a great couple. She seems to be head-over-heels for him.
    —F

    Dear Ermak:
    Damn, these two almost have more breakup rumors hitting the tabloids than Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart! But don't worry, the dancing duo is still as together as they ever were—on the down-low, ‘course, sneaky bitches. And you may not want to hold your breath on Maks popping the big Q anytime soon, these two are having way too much fun for that. Good for them!

    Dear Ted:
    After E! released this picture I think it's really time for you to spill some new dirt on Britney Spears! What in the world is going on with her?
    —Sarah TV

    Dear Hair Raising:
    While this hair travesty (sorry for the understatement) is definitely not OK, it is OK with Brit because she doesn't care. Not like crazy style not caring, but regular country bumpkin Britster not caring. Honestly, the biggest problems the babe has right now are laziness and bad driving.

    Dear Ted:
    Is Teddy O'Bong the adorable, lovable, oh-so-doable James Franco? I was totally convinced by his character in Pineapple Express. It must have been Method acting, right?
    —Ms. M

    Dear Love You More:
    Ms. M, clearly you have never checked out our Blind Vice Superstars gallery or you would know that James was headlining Vices long before O'Bong blew into town.  J.F.'s secrets are far naughtier than Teddy's penchant for pot.

    Dear Ted:
    I thought Lea Michele already had a boyfriend. I forgot his name, but he's starring on Broadway in American Idiot. Weren't they hot 'n' heavy at that Time magazine event? Just curious...
    —Southern Gleek

    Dear Tongue in Cheek:
    You are right, babe, Lea was definitely swapping some spit with her current squeeze the night the s--t hit the diva fan. But with the way her star is rising—though, not quickly enough for her, mind you—I wouldn't be surprised if she ditched her dude for a more well-known name. Usually the way it goes.

    Dear Ted:
    I have a guess for B.V. Moisty Mohr. Is it Seth MacFarlane? Plus, my rescued baby Chihuahua says hi. Someone left him in a box in the winter outside, overnight with a broken leg. Luckily, I work at the emergency vet clinic where they dropped him and I've fallen in love.
    —Kimberly

    Dear St. Kimberly:
    Ugh, this old dude again? No, Seth isn't Moisty. Moisty is far less intentionally comical—unless you consider the fact that these babes are willing to boink him to get at his deep pockets funny. Hey, it's pretty hilarious in a sick way, yes? Kisses to your pup. He's lucky to have such a good mom!

    Dear Ted:
    Is there any famous person who you feel gets a bad rap? Anyone who's actually a better human being than the public gives them credit for?
    —M

    Dear Sure:
    There are a few. Megan Fox, for one. People give the gal crap, but she's actually pretty brave and hilarious. Also, I think Britney, Nikki Reed and Jessica Simpson deserve to be treated far better than they usually are (sometimes by me).

    Dear Ted:
    Taylor Kitsch
    was recently one of your "And It Ain'ts" for a B.V. Has he ever been a B.V.? Any dirt on him?
    —Jenn

    Dear And It Ain't Ever:
    No, J, he's as squeaky clean as he is gorgeous. Fingers crossed that changes soon—he is set to star with Alexander Skarsgård after all. Maybe some of his naughtiness will rub off on the Friday Night Lights star. Here's hoping!

    Dear Ted:
    I've been checking the photos of the Salt premiere and Angelina Jolie looks really skinny? It actually reminded me of Amy Winehouse, bodywise (don't get me wrong, her face is still gorgeous). What do you think?
    —Mel

    Dear Eat Something:
    Funny, because I actually thought she was actually looking better than usual. Sure, I'd love to see A.J. get some of her sexy curves back, but even comparing her red carpet bod to her bare bones figure in the actual flick, Angelina looked, dare I say, good.

    Dear Ted;
    My question is regarding Valyrie Tress-Trap. Are her two in-question castmates kept informed of Valyrie's conniving ways? Are they dumb enough to fall again for her "rekindling" of their affairs?
    —Krissy

    Dear Coffin Quickie:
    Oh yes, Kriss, everyone is becoming aware of Val's bedroom behaviors. That's why neither of her conquests would come back for round two—well, on second thought, one might. What a dumbass, right?

    Dear Ted:
    Is Chelsea Handler finally getting Dave Salmoni's salami? And what about Jo Koy? They seem to have a rocky relationship onscreen. Frenemies or just an onscreen act?
    —Jo

    Dear Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang:
    Yes, Chels and her ab-tastic animal trained are indeed getting quite friendly offscreen. One of my fave new couples, what about you? As for you, Jo, don't worry! That's just Chelsea's sense of humor. She loves to pick on the people she loves. Like I've always done!

    Dear Ted:
    What's up with Fake à la Ferocity these days? Are she and her partner faithful to one another?
    —Mel

    Dear Oldie but Goodie:
    Fake's really the ultimate designing dame in this town—have to admit I'll always have a soft spot for her conniving, it's very brilliant. Just wish she wasn't hurting herself and those she loves—and those who love her—still, by wrecking her body so.

    Dear Ted:
    Hearing all sorts of rumors from Fox that 30 Rock's Cheyenne Jackson will be joining Glee as the new coach of Vocal Adrenaline in a multiepisode arc. Any truth to this?
    —X

    Dear Sing Out:
    There's been rumors since the show hit the airwaves that Chey would be bringing a tune to the hit series, but so far he hasn't popped up yet. I think it's a totally fab idea, though—so if any of you Glee folks are reading, get this guy a guest spot!

    Dear Ted:
    I finally saw my first True Blood episode this week, and I'm deeply disappointed in you because you didn't make me do this sooner. I mean, I trust you. You didn't exhort me to get off my ass and watch a masterpiece. Moreover, you did not tell me that Stephen Moyer moves like he is imbued with the orgasms of a thousand virgins. That is information that I needed. Tsk tsk. I remain, as always, your faithful fan (but my body now belongs to Moyer, sorry).
    —Kate

    Dear Late to the Game:
    Earth to orgasmic bitcher: I've been telling you all along how sexy this show is! Better late then never, I guess, but totally agree with you and you're very, um, elegant wording on Steph. One of my faves. Just wait until you meet Joe Manganiello. To die for, doll.

    Dear Ted:
    Most gossip columns deal with sex, drugs or bad behavior in Tinseltown. How come we never hear any dirt on the financial front? There has got to be a load of gossip when it comes to money and Hollywood. Would love to hear a few of those! Would you oblige?
    —Finance Guru

    Dear Money Matters:
    You mean the kind of greedy paycheck scheming that Polly Luscious-Locks does?

    Dear Ted:
    Since Dashed Dingle-Dream doesn't enjoy the spotlight as much as Judas Jack-off, I am guessing D has never been in any movies. Am I right?
    —V

    Dear Fame Game:
    You're saying that just because you don't like the media attention you can't be a move star? Uh, hello. Have you met Kristen Stewart?

    Dear Ted:
    Is there any chance a certain onscreen couple who are most probably together in real life even with a little one, too, but the people are too gullible and believe the PR crap so much? Hint hint Grey's Anatomy!
    —R

    Dear Que?
    Sorry if I don't follow, R, but are you talking about Patrick Dempsey and Ellen Pompeo? So not a couple.

    Follow @theawfultruth on Twitter!

    _______

    There's more mail where this came from! Check out our Bitch-Back! archives.

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