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    Bitch-Back! Could Britney Spears Help Lindsay Lohan Make a Comeback?

    Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan Fame Pictures, Jean Baptiste Lacroix / Getty Images

    Dear Ted:
    I saw this headline today: "Spears a good role model for troubled Lohan." I didn't have the stomach to click on it. Why anyone would think Britney Spears would be a good role model is beyond me. She's one weave away from a nervous breakdown if you ask me. What are your thoughts?
    —D

    Dear From Mess to Millions:
    While B may not exactly be the best person to give LiLo motivational powwows (let's be honest, Brit probably doesn't even care too much about her one-time party pal's problems), she is definitely a success story for Linds to model her postjail life after. Remember when Mel Gibson was trying to help Brit get back on track? I'd say Linds stands a much better chance getting a boot up from Britney. Look at her: She hit rock bottom in front of billions of people but got her life back on track. Think La Lohan can come out on top, too?

    Dear Ted:
    Pitt Porn! Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt looked amazing at the Salt premiere. They haven't looked this good since their Mr. & Mrs. Smith days. Brad shaved his beard...Is that a sign? Are they on the mend or do they just want to appear that way? This sexier, cleaned-up look certainly looks best on both of them. It's about time they came around.
    —Mercedes

    Dear Beauty and the Beardless:
    The duo definitely seemed très in love Monday night, but remember, the entire world was watching. So take that with a grain of Salt.

    Dear Ted:
    How long until Me-Me and Tobey start swapping bodily fluids again?
    —Shoe

    Dear Wet 'n' Wild:
    You're telling me. I totally thought Me-Me would have tired of her other boy-toy by now.

    Dear Ted:
    Is there any truth to the rumors Erin Andrews and Maksim Chmerkovskiy have spilt? I know they attended the ESPYs together, but rumor has it things went sour after that night. Wondering if Maks' womanizing ways got the better of him.
    —Lisa

    Dear Horizontal Tango:
    Not as far as I've heard, babe. Still mucho into each other. More on the sly, though.

    Dear Ted:
    Lindsay Lohan is seeming more and more like a lost cause. Jail isn't rock bottom for this girl. Her career being reduced to nothing but tabloid fodder seems to be A-OK to her. Even Robert Shapiro ditched her, and he stood by O.J. It seems like no matter what happens, LiLo is content playing ostrich. It's heartbreaking that she is either unaware of the danger she's in, or she doesn't care. I contend that she be added to the ranks of They Who Shall Not Be Named. Reading about this trainwreck almost feels like enabling at this point, because her disasters are the only press she gets. I hope she gets healthy and well, but it just seems so hopeless.
    —Mango

    Dear Only Time Will Tell:
    I agree that Linds isn't totally into changing her ways just yet—c'mon, the newly jailed star is still denying responsibility for her actions—but maybe those broads in the Lynnwood lockdown will give her a dose of reality? Though, since it's rumored she'll only be spending 14 days in the slammer, I'm betting no.

    Dear Ted:
    My two rescue dogs and I are worried about our fave Supernatural boy. Of course, we love him for his work with dog rescue, but since his marriage, it seems like Jared Padalecki has become so boring. Is this dullness just for outward appearances? Is he privately still up to his earlier Blind Vice ways, or has he really given up his Vice life for married bliss?
    —SuperFanSam

    Dear Superfreaky:
    Outward appearances.

    Dear Ted:
    My two rescued Yorkies and I have been wondering for some time and hope that you give us the dirt on Pete Wentz? Is that relationship with  Ashlee Simpson for real?
    —N&M&M

    Dear Daddie Dearest:
    What makes you think this duo's I dos were complete crap? They're the real deal; they just stay under the radar. Too under the radar actually. Would it kill these two to hit a friggin' red carpet together from time to time? But will this domestic bliss last? That's the real question.

    Dear Ted:
    I'm dying to see Monaco. I really want to see Cory Monteith step out from Finn's role, as well as Leighton Meester (that I always think of as Blair) and Selena Gomez! What's your take on this movie? Do you think it's gonna be a hit? And is there any possible behind-the-scenes couples?
    —Nikki

    Dear Star Studded:
    If even half of Cory's Glee fans or a fraction of the Disney kiddos that love Selena check out this flick, it'll be rolling in the dough—or Euros, as it may be. As for romance abroad, no, Nik, they're all gal-pals...sorry, Cory, we mean pals.

    Dear Ted:
    Since The Hills finale I have been wondering was anything real? Did Brody ever love Kristin Cavallari or Lauren Conrad, and on Laguna Beach was there really a Lauren, Kristen and Stephen love triangle.
    —Q

    Dear Over the Hill:
    More lust than love, Q, but loins were burning. It was the cat fights that were created for the camera, because in reality, the cast couldn't have cared a less about pulling each other's hair out. That's why they loved to throw back shots together between takes when they were filming at all the H'wood hot spots.

    Dear Ted:
    Has Nelly Fang been known to have a girlfriend in the past?
    —Jess

    Dear Humping History:
    Sure, he's bi after all. Nell's knocked boots with a few significant others in his time.

    Dear Ted:
    Let's talk about Joe Jonas for a second. I swear that boy is getting sexier with age. Speaking of age, his 21st birthday is approaching. Any chance of him getting wild?
    —J

    Dear Vegas, Baby!
    Maybe. It wouldn't surprise me in the slightest. But don't expect J.J. to come glossy-eyed out of clubs like his Disney peer Hilary Duff (didn't you just love her partying phase?). Remember, the brothers Jonas only get wild when they're sure no one's looking, which ain't often.

    Dear Ted;
    I just got back from the vet, saying goodbye to my wonderful 14-year-old pup. I would like to honor her by asking you to tell us: Who in Hollywood would deserve the St. Francis of Assisi award for their work to make the world a better place for our furry friends (besides Betty White, who is a famous friend of the animals). Thanks in advance...today, this is dearer to my heart than any fauxmance out there.
    —Mary

    Dear Puppy Patrol:
    Very sorry for your loss, M, my heart's with you. Luckily, lots of Hollywood hotties are helping our four-legged friends: Jane Lynch, Kristen Bell, Jared Padalecki and our very own Chelsea Handler, just to name a few. And Margo, Charlie and Cleo send whiskered kisses of condolence your way.

    Dear Ted:
    You will forgiven me cause I don't speak English. I'm from Venezuela...just Spanish and a bit English. What you think about Liam Hemsworth? He is in the love with Miley? I don't know what think about Liam!
    —Marie

    Dear Hemming and Hawing:
    Liam is an all right guy—he's Australian and hot, which earns him bonus points—but I wouldn't say he's in love with Miles. They're just kids after all. But he's definitely into M.C.—and the attention he gets for being at her side.

    Dear Ted:
    Who is more evil: Dina Lohan or Michael Lohan?
    —B

    Dear Easy One:
    Dina, by far.

    Dear Ted:
    Speaking of Ellen Page, any dirt on her? Is she such the nice girl she seems to be?
    —Abbey

    Dear Sure:
    But it's pretty boring—nothing worth sharing right now. Love this lady, and have secrets that have nothing to do with ‘tude, she is the mellowest of mellow chicks.

    Dear Ted:
    Keep us posted on our favorite couple...you guessed it. Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart. Why all the breakup rumors? Have so enjoyed this love story.
    —Jess

    Dear You're Welcome:
    Don't you think that if there was news I would post it?

    Follow @theawfultruth on Twitter!

    _______

    There's more mail where this came from! Check out our Bitch-Back! archives.

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