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    Bitch-Back! Will Grutz Ever Happen?

    Kellan Lutz, Ashley Greene Lester Cohen/Getty Images

    Dear Ted:
    I am absolutely convinced that Ashley Greene and Kellan Lutz will become a couple at some point. They seem to be all buddy-buddy about each other now, but both have said that they wouldn't rule out a relationship. But what will Ashley do until the skanky AnnaLynne McCord ship sails? Does she also have a bag of white trash on the side?
    —Sarah

    Dear More Than Friends:
    Wow, way harsh, S. I happen to dig AnnaLynne and think she's pretty damn good for our macho hunk. But as for Ash, yes, she does have a dude in her life (and a pretty hot one too, trust). Maybe she and Kell will eventually want to get romantic (who says they haven't at some point in the past), but for now they are strictly BFFs.

    Dear Ted:
    In your first B.V. about Parrish Maguire, you said, "He's absolutely koo-koo horny" for his hot boyfriend. In your second B.V. you said he was "literally rubbing up against good-looking guys at private parties" with his boyfriend there. In your third B.V. you said those parties are "sex-filled get-togethers." So why would his boyfriend put up with this? Sounds more like it's the boyfriend who is koo-koo hot for Parrish and doesn't want to lose him. And is the boyfriend another actor?
    —BobNYC

    Dear Bumbling BF:
    Parr is totally koo-koo horny for every guy he sees right now. He's still young, mind you, and his hormones are running crazy—hence the reason he's starting to convince himself the gay thing is just a phase.

    Dear Ted:
    I've seen Jackson Rathbone in the Twilight movies and I'm not a fan. After reading the E! review of The Last Airbender, I'm starting to wonder if his Twilight castmates saying he's "so talented" is just a nice way of saying he has nothing going for him.
    —Bastiaan

    Dear Stud in Waiting:
    Jackson is a cool guy; give him a chance! The Last Airbender definitely doesn't show off his acting chops (it didn't for Dev Patel either) and Twilight does a pretty good job of fugging him up. This dude needs a solid film of his own to show off that, yes, he is "so talented."

    Dear Ted:
    Skarsworth seemed to have been on the down-low until a nasty Swedish rumor says they've split up. All of a sudden, we start getting nonstop photo ops again? WTF? Why the push with these two? And is there an end to this in sight?
    —Stacy

    Dear Kate Bores-worth:
    I totally agree, and it's exactly like you said. The second those two hear even the slightest buzz that they may be dunzo they stage a full-on tabloid assault. So pathetic, don't you think? We want sexy and single Skarsgård back!

    Dear Ted:
    What is the latest with Pixie Mixie? Anything worth noting going on in her life?
    —J

    Dear Mixie-ing It Up:
    Not really, which is très good for the gal, to be honest. Hope she keeps it that way, but she's been doing a helluva job of cleaning up her act from her oh-so-horrible party days.

    Dear Ted:
    Has Cristiano Ronaldo he ever been a B.V.? He isn't really a household name in the U.S, but after the World Cup, he's getting there. Plus, this new revelation of a "secret child" is causing me to raise an eyebrow.
    —DoubleUM

    Dear Futball Fella:
    While there have been some famous sports folks who have been B.V.s (not to mention some British hotties, of course), Cristiano ain't one of them. But now that he's making headlines across the pond, who knows what the future holds. As for now his dirty laundry is pretty much out there.

    Dear Ted:
    The anti-female energy on your comment boards is so ridiculous I'd report all of them but there is just too many. Reese Witherspoon is an attractive well established actress in Hollywood and is now being torn down by your commenters because they fear of Rob being close to anyone with a vagina (sans Kristen). Nikki Reed, Ashley Greene, Megan Fox, Leighton Meester and Camilla Belle have all been villanized because of speculation that they might have something romantic with Rob. None of them has said anything in plain english that would allude to that. Do you support their save the virgin burn the "whore" mentality?
    —Davis

    Dear Reality Check:
    Of course not. I don't think any of these ladies should be dissed just because they may or may not have hooked up with a certain dude (the majority of these not, trust). Am I surprised that all the chicks who get attacked are attached to good-ol' Robby? No, but that doesn't mean I support it. It's the mentality that these commenters who bash the chick—K.Stew included—think they are better for the guy in question than whatever girl he's attached to. Ridiculous.

    Dear Ted:
    Chace Crawford
    was recently on vacation with his sister and Tony Romo. This being his second vacation of the year being the third wheel, I think it's time his agents set him up with a nice girlfriend. He obviously can't find one on his own. What is the hold-up?
    —G

    Dear Flying Solo:
    Uh, not sure where you've been but Chace has bigger problems to worry about than finding a new gal-pal to fool around with. Didn't you see La Lohan's court date? Judges are cracking down on celebs, and that was in T-town. Texas is so much tougher.

    Dear Ted:
    I really have to hand it to Miranda Kerr. Back in 2007 when she first started dating hot honey Orlando Bloom she was nobody. Now, three years later, she is a supermodel in every sense with deals everywhere, makes over 4 million a year, is on numerous mag covers all over the globe and is now marrying Orlando! Congratulations, Miranda, you cheeky Dingo! Shades of Brigitte Nielson!
    —Aussie

    Dear Fame Game:
    Now you see why it's important to hook yourself a hot and successful hottie. And Orlando doesn't mind it one bit, trust.

    Dear Ted:
    Lindsay Lohan
    is everywhere and I'm tired of it. She's like that couple that shall not be named but with a DUI. She's only in the media now because of her partying ways, her DUI and her court appearances...if she can muster herself out of bed. I say we focus less on "celebrities" that only get attention for their antics and focus on those with talent.
    —Faye

    Dead Bingo:
    Boy were you right, babe, and don't expect for the headlines to die down any time before she gets thrown in the slammer. I suspect Linds will keep up her infamous tabloid ways until the minute she comes face to face with jail.

    Follow Team Awful on Twitter! @taryder @jtyboone @snarc

    _______

    There's more mail where this came from! Check out our Bitch-Back! archives.

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