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    Bitch-Back! Will Orlando and Miranda Really Wed?

    Orlando Bloom, Miranda Kerr Alexandra Wyman/Getty Images

    Dear Ted:
    Will Orlando Bloom and Miranda Kerr's engagement have the same fate as Hayden Christensen and Rachel Bilson, or will they actually make it to the altar?
    —Melia

    Dear Wedded Woes:
    Orli and his model fiancée will definitely get further down the aisle than Hayden and his on-off OC hottie...but that's not saying too much, is it?

    Dear Ted:
    OK, I thought I saw the weirdest couple when I saw Russell and Katy but apparently Nikki Reed and Joe Jonas are dating. I think I know the answer but is this for realz or is it taken from the Almighty Book of Jonas Publicity Stunts?
    —R

    Dear Double Take:
    They're definitely not together, babe. Nik was just out with a super cute guy not J.J. last week. But kudos to the second cutest Jonas for getting his name attached to some Twilight headlines, right? As for Katy and Russell, don't be so mean, doll! We think they totally work together.

    Dear Ted:
    Besides Parrish McGuire, has Priscilla Dessert dated any other BV?

    Dear Background Check:
    Dated might be a bit of a stretch but she knows her way around a dude with a Vice, trust.

    Dear Ted:
    Aww Ted! I love ya (so does my gigantic rescue pup) but Alec Baldwin has not handled himself gracefully. Sure, he's great on 30 Rock but need I remind you of those lovely messages he left for his daughter? Wouldn't call him dignified after that...
    —Rosa

    Dear Doubting Dignity:
    It's not forgotten here at the AT. We all make mistake though, R. Isn't it how these fellows handle their flaws or learn from their mistakes what separates the men from the tabloid trash?

    Dear Ted:
    Whine, whine whine! Reading about how the Twihards in London are "in tears" because the three stars didn't show up from the premiere is just obnoxious! I don't think Robert Pattinson was scheduled to do any other red carpets because of Water for Elephants, and although they said they were all supposed to be there, I know Kristen Stewart and Taylor Lautner are starting to film new movies this summer too. God forbid they do work outside of Twilight!
    —Go Fetch

    Dear Pass the Tissues:
    Big bummer for the Brits, but those kids can't be everywhere, right? Plus T and K's crazy press surely paid off here in the states. I can almost guarantee Kris and Tay will be around for one of the Breaking Dawn premieres. Just wait until that media monster rolls out, it's going to put even the New Moon press tour to shame, I'm sure.

    Dear Ted:
    Is Darla Jones hanging out with people who may influence her in a bad way? I've seen pictures of who I think is her with a few people who I can't imagine would be good influences. I know she's not as innocent as she seems, but surely more innocent than her current "friends?"
    —BNO

    Dear Frenemies:
    It's not so much the company she keeps that leads Darla to her tres naughty ways. The girl likes to skank it up from time to time...we can't hate her for that. Actually, come to think of it, her bedroom secrets make us like her even more.

    Dear Ted:
    I think Angie and Megan Fox should play mother and daughter in a movie. Maybe an updated remake of Mildred Pierce. What do you think?
    —O

    Dear HA!:
    Never going to happen, babe. Like never-ever-over-Angie's-dead-body going to happen.

    Dear Ted:
    I'm sorry but you said that Selena Gomez is not the angel she makes herself look like. And I want to know what you meant by that? She seems like the most adorable and sweet young girl in Hollywood! Is she a total diva? Isn't she as nice and down to earth as she seems?
    —Kia

    Dear Selena Sainthood:
    Selena didn't lose her halo because of a total divatude, you can rest easy on that. Girl's a doll in that sense. SG has some secrets that Disney wouldn't look so kindly upon, but which young T-town chick doesn't these days?

    Dear Ted:
    Why does Nevis Devine's guy "friend" get a name, while his girl "friend" doesn't? Isn't she worthy of a Blind Vice name?
    —Feminist Fan

    Dear No Name:
    But that relaysh is so boring. At least when compared to Nev's steamy affairs with Barrington.

    Dear Ted:
    Has Naomi Campbell ever been a BV star? Is she perhaps Cruella St. Shackles? We all know how much of a diva she is but the Cruella reference made me think fur and thus the deplorable Naomi. Can't wait to hear the next update on C.St.S. and her, um, fundraising? Well, I'll bet it involves her raising something!
    —AJ

    Dear Duck For Cover!:
    Sorry doll, but Naomi isn't our botched broad. Cruella is far more subtle and manipulative with her nasty ‘tude. You would never catch her throwing a phone at an employee, she much prefers to torture them in private.

    Dear Ted:
    If Kristen Stewart is so afraid then why didn't she drop out before New Moon was made? If her fan base (good and bad) and fame are to much for her why keep doing it? I don't completely feel bad for her because she didn't have to keep playing Bella. My rescue dog Ozzie says hello and we love you and your gossip.
    —Kristin

    Dear Bad News KStew:
    Well, to be fair, the Twi phenomenon is only getting bigger with each movie...nothing any of the stars could ever predict ahead of time. And Kristen has said herself that, on the whole, the fans are cool she really does dig 'em. There are a few bonkers ones, though—you can't deny that. Plus as we told you, the interview was recycled with a dash of exaggeration.

    Dear Ted:
    Does Tobey Yum-Yum's family know about his trailer activity with Me-Me Dallas, or is it a secret?
    —Claire

    Dear Duh:
    Everybody knows. Those two are like the opposite of subtle.

    Dear Ted:
    Are "Terry" and "Tush-Trade" two different people? How's that for thinking out of the box? Smooches!
    —K

    Dear Boxed In:
    Nice try, K, but it's definitely only one person. Though Terry does have enough Vices for multiple people, that much is true.

    Dear Ted:
    Any news on my favorite vampire romances? Skarsworth and Kellanne (Annalynne MCcord and Kellan Lutz)? I haven't heard anything from gossip websites and there doesn't seem to be any pictures on the 'net so have these quick fixes gotten tired of each other?
    —Doli

    Dear Biting News:
    Aren't you totally bored of Skarsworth, Doli? I know I so am now that they are attempting to be all domestic together (yeah right). As for the other two hotties, I wouldn't mind seeing a bit more of them! Love Kellan and Annalynne is quite the little minx herself, their relaysh is pretty cool.

    ________

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