This past week was trapped in a glass cage of emotion.
But you know we did:
LUNAR ECLIPSE: The Twilight Saga: Eclipse set a box-office record for midnight screenings as Kristen Stewart, Taylor Lautner & Co. continued to walk the promotional beat, stopping only for food, water and juggling. Kristen also found time to hit the premiere of her non-Twilight indie, Welcome to the Rileys.
YOU DUMB $#&@!: Why, Mel Gibson? Why do you speak? You seem to do alright on talk shows, but perhaps monastic silence would better serve you at home. Just let your lawyer talk. He does a much better job of explaining things, while also not offending minorities and women.
EARLY RETIREMENT: Steve Carell is leaving The Office after next season, leaving the Emmy-winning ship without its delightfully irritating captain. Will first mate Rainn Wilson and deckhand John Krasinski be enough to keep it afloat without him, or will it sink into Happy Days-sans-Ron Howard ignominy?
KING OF TEARDROPS?: Chris Brown was both praised and panned for his Michael Jackson tribute at the BET Awards, during which he appeared to really be crying—hard—and couldn't get through "The Man in the Mirror." Touching performance or shameless publicity? Since the music biz has already bore the burden of giving Chris a second chance, we're going to go out on a limb and say it's the former.
REEL TIME: New guy Andrew Garfield (whose hair rivals Robert Pattinson's, FYI) is the new Spider-Man…Judd Apatow's going to produce a new Pee-wee Herman movie with Paul Reubens...Charlie St. Cloud trailer starring Zac Efron...Johnny Depp's voice in the awesome Rango trailer…Ben Stiller in the so-so Little Fockers trailer…Very scary Paranormal Activity 2 trailer...Engaging The Social Network trailer...New Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows trailer (ugh, so long till it comes out).
UP IN SMOKE: Paris Hilton was in the wrong place at the wrong time when she was hauled in for questioning after supposedly being caught with marijuana after watching the Netherlands upset Brazil in South Africa. But she returned to living the less illegal high life right away when it turned out the police had made a mistake and it was someone else in her party stirring the pot.
PLAYBABIES: Vienna's not posing for Playboy (neither is Justin Bieber's mom), Jake's not posing for Playgirl, and ABC is just smugly sitting there, knowing it's got the July 5 episode of The Bachelorette featuring the dysfunctional duo's hyped sit-down on the schedule this Monday.
WEDDING BELLS: Zoe Saldana engaged to longtime boyfriend Keith Britton…Carrie Prejean tied the knot with NFL quarterback Kyle Boller...The Wire thesp Dominic West made a bride of Catherine Fitzgerald in Ireland...Mena Suvari made a groom of Simone Sestito in Vatican City...Girls Gone Wild founder Joe Francis engaged to the very brave Christina McLarty.
BABY TALK: Becki Newton expecting her first with hubby Chris Diamantopoulos.
Courthouse A judge refused to let Jeremy London dictate what his mom and brother can say about him…Lindsay Lohan sued for allegedly not paying for more than $16,000 in boutique purchases…Michael Jackson's dad Joe dropped his request for an allowance from MJ's estate…Michael Douglas' ex sues for her purported share of his Wall Street sequel cash…Who are the most sued celebs in Hollywood?
ALLEGEDLY CRIMINAL MINDS: Amy Locane charged with vehicular homicide for fatal alleged DUI crash…The father and brother of Harry Potter actress Ashran Azad are accused of threatening to kill her…Jeffrey Jones busted for failing to update his sex-offender registration…Method Man copped to trying to not pay his taxes…Chris Klein charged with DUI…Vince Neil arrested on suspicion of DUI.
DONE: Sandra Bullock and Jesse James are officially done…Kelsey Grammar's wife, Camille, files for divorce…Tiger Woods and Elin Nordegren's official split seems imminent…Angela Kinsey divorcing Warren Lieberstein after a year of separation.
HOLLYWOOD MEDICAL: Drake cancels tour to be with mom after surgery…Tori Spelling hubby Dean McDermott in the hospital after crashing his dirt bike…Brooke Mueller's having a great time de-stressing.
SEEN: Kim Kardashian immortalized in wax…Naomi Campbell's shorn spot…Paris Hilton's mountain of luggage...Emma Watson in her boyfriend's music video…Angelina Jolie on the cover of Vanity Fair...Lady Gaga's house for rent...
TV LAND: True Blood took a turn for the Exorcistic…Larry King is calling it quits this fall after 25 years hosting Larry King Live…More Teen Choice Award nominations…Daytime Emmys recap...Bristol Palin on The Secret Life of the American Teenager…Be sure and vote for the 2010 Tater Top Awards.
SCENE: Cameron Diaz and Alex Rodriguez doing dinner in Manhattan...Khloé and Lamar Odom having lunch in Beverly Hills…Jennifer Garner helping out a neighbor in Brentwood...Angie looking muy caliente in Mexico…Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino celebrating his 28th b-day in NYC…Lindsay Lohan getting into it with a waitress, whose job security is now in question, at her 24th birthday bash in West Hollywood.
This holiday weekend, get a front-row view of the fireworks (and bikini'd behind) in our Big Picture gallery!