Bitch-Back! Who Will Miley End Up With?

Readers want to know: Who is Cyrus’ soul mate?

Dear Ted:
Do you think Nick Jonas and Miley Cyrus will ever get back together, or will she end up with Liam Hemsworth?
—Smteitel

Dear Forever After:
How many times do we have to tell you all that Nick and Miley are so not over? Especially when he is the inspiration for some of Miles' fab new songs. Way to take a play out of Justin Timberlake's book, doll! Liam's a fun and incredibly hot guy for now; he's probably got a few more months left in him.

Dear Ted:
After the comments about Toni Collette and, of course, Russell Crowe's not-too-secret history with the press, I am interested to know how you find the rest of the Aussie celebs in general? Who are your faves?
—Josie

Dear Stars on the Barby:
We're big fans of that hunky Ryan Kwanten from True Blood. And Hugh Jackman, of course. And Eric Bana. Hell, come to think of it, why can't more of Hollywood's heartthrobs come directly from the Outback?

Dear Ted:
Are the following couples lovey-dovey, or is there more to them? Posh and Becks, Nicole and Keith, Tom and Katie, Brad and Angie...and anyone else you feel free to dish on!
—Plpmoichis

Dear Appearances, Appearances:
You picked four pairs with some of the best-kept marital secrets in town! Well, not so much with one of them.

Dear Ted:
Rob Pattinson has been spotted out again this weekend at the Soho House in West Hollywood, swarmed by women. You claim that he and Kristen Stewart are fine in their relationship, "as they define it." Is Rob a cheater?
—Casey

Dear Voyeur Vixen:
Rob is hardly a stranger to being swarmed by women, as you say. Kris and Rob are not worried about it.

Dear Ted:
What's your take on Amanda Bynes retiring from acting at age 24? She's always struck me as a bit of a diva, but love the girl's sense of humor.
—CEA

Dear The Amanda Show:
Amanda's Twitter is actually hilarious—we've been following it for a while. But I agree that there are plenty of young actresses who should have given up their craft instead. Here's hoping that the sadly retired (yet oh so classy) lady takes to stand-up comedy instead!

Dear Ted:
What's the deal with the new inseparable BFFs Jake Gyllenhaal and Adam Levine?
—Lia

Dear Bromance:
They're BFFs. Why, do you think there's something more?

Dear Ted:
I disagree with you still saying Lady Gaga is way too thin. In the "Telephone" video, yes, she was. But have you not seen her lately? Look at that ass! That is not the ass of a girl who is way too thin. She looks fantastic!
—Renee

Dear Real Monsters Have Curves:
Sorry, I still think the Gaga could stand to eat a few more meals.

Dear Ted:
We've already established that there is a double standard when it comes to men and women coming out of the closet. But why is it whenever a woman comes out, it's for PR, and if a guy comes out then everyone is repulsed? Am I right?
—D0li

Dear Eh?
I don't think so, love. Repulsion is not the right word. With male celebs, people tend to wonder about the hiding of it all—where, when, with whom and how long. For ladies, it's just accepted and that seems to be it. Nobody's looking up Vanessa Carlton's old interviews to see if she ever gave hints.

Dear Ted:
Why do people still believe in a Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake reunion? What guy in his right mind would go back to a girl who had a mental breakdown in 2007, lost custody of her kids and showed her lady parts to the entire world? I'm glad Britney is doing well and seems normal for the most part, but I could never go back with someone like that because in the back of my mind I would be to worry wondering if she'll go crazy again. What's your take on why people can't seem to let go of a Justin-Britney relationship?
—Mike

Dear Days of Old:
Britney and Justin, to many folks, represent a nostalgic time in the early 2000s when teen celebrities weren't nearly as raunchy, scandal-prone or just plain effed-up as they are now. You can't blame the public for clamoring for the good-old days. Meanwhile, Justin is not so shallow that he's abandoned Brit during her time of need, and he's hardly Mr. Perfect right now either. Maybe they could fix each other?

Dear Ted:
What is up with Megan Fox's face? Lately the beauty has been looking, well, not herself. Is she doing something to her face that she shouldn't?
—Megan's Future Hubby

Dear Fugly Fox?
At the Jonah Hex premiere, Megan was looking suspiciously...plumper. And I don't mean weight. Whatevs, still thought she looked pretty damn doable.

Dear Ted:
Have you ever met Perez Hilton in person? If not, what would you say to him if you were ever giving the opportunity to speak to him face-to-face? You should tell him to stop stealing your stories and putting his name on them.
—Iluvalba

Dear Perez in Person:
No comment.

Dear Ted:
You mention that our dear Taylor Lautner has some dirty secrets. What age is the youngest Blind Vice ever? Does being a minor get you out of Blind Vicedom? We all know that Ms. Barrymore had her trials and tribulations well before her 18th, so I'm sure there are other celebs out there with similar stories to tell when they sit down to write their memoirs at 23.
—Hezan

Dear Blind Baby Boomers:
Trust, there are plenty of B.V.s who are under 21. And some under 18. That's why we keep them blind, ya see.

Dear Ted:
If Robsten are really dating (which we all know they are), yet it hasn't actually been "proven," how do they get together secretly? I mean, Sandra Bullock was able to hide a child from the paparazzi and went into hiding herself for weeks and was the media's most-wanted woman at the time. If even Robsten are able to hide from the paparazzi, how is anyone ever caught on camera? If it really is that easy?
—Ailish

Dear Outliers:
You've cited probably the two best cases of paparazzi manipulation in the past few years. For everyone else, it's not so simple. But keep in mind, hon, that there are plenty of celebs who want to make you think they hate the cameras when in fact they rely on them for their popularity.

Dear Ted:
After reading all of your posts, I agree that Robsten's move to keep everyone guessing about their relationship is brilliant. I was just wondering: Who do you think was the mastermind of this plan?
—Nikki

Dear Matchmaker:
At the beginning, it was Summit. Now...not so much.

Dear Ted:
One of my favorite up and coming actors is Anton Yelchin. Has he been on your B.V. radar yet?
—Curious

Dear Trek Teen:
Nope. But I agree, he's one to watch out for! He'll be an Oscar winner and a heartbreaker, I bet.

Dear Ted:
Does Me-Me Dallas know about all the heartbreaking Tobey Yum-Yum has been doing?
—Lilly

Dear Lilly Pad:
Oh, she knows. Nothing goes unseen or unheard by her these days.

Dear Ted:
Please tell me that you see an end to these horrible not-so-real reality shows? They are so phony and boring, I can't understand why people watch them and actually believe they are "real."
—Debra

Dear Reality, My Ass:
My thoughts on that soon, darling. You've heard about Sarah Palin's new trash, right?

Dear Ted:
Seriously, you're stuck on the idea that Cleopatra was a dark-skinned woman, when historically that is an opinion only held by a very small minority. Cleopatra was a descendant of Ptolemy...a Greek Macedonian. And Ptolemy's descendants married family members in order to keep the bloodline pure. So realistically the members of this specific dynasty were not particularly dark-skinned. Personally, I'd love to see more diversity within Hollywood, but this just isn't the appropriate case. If this were a Nefertiti or a Hatshepsut then please feel free to raise hell, but not for Cleopatra. Plus, we all know that most likely the movie's going to stink.
—Triple

Dear Cleo, Cleo:
You didn't really ask a question here. But I just wanted to link to that fabulous photo of Snooki again!

Dear Ted:
In regard to Toothy Tile, I have to wonder how Baby Tile will feel once he's grown and realizes that his father kept him a secret from the world because he didn't want to hurt his career. Or am I wrong as to why Baby Tile has been kept a secret?
—Msmith

Dear Who Is Toothy? Never Heard of Him:
When Baby Tile grows up, that'll be an entirely different ball game. Who's to say what five, 10 or 15 years will bring for the kid and his 'rents?

Dear Ted:
I think it's great that Sophia Bush and Austin Nichols are trying to help out with the oil spill, but I feel like most of their motivation for wanting to help is just to get publicity for themselves. I guess it doesn't matter what their motivation is as long as they're helping, but they should take a lesson from Ian Somerhalder, who you can tell just wants to help and doesn't care about getting attention for it.
—J

Dear Bushwhacked:
What's to distinguish Somerhalder as genuine and Sophia and Austin as publicity-craving? Why can't both be both?