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    Bitch-Back! Jen Gets Praised; Emma Gets Hazed

    Emma Roberts, JenniferGarner Ash Knotek/ZumaPress.com; Steve Granitz/WireImage.com

    Dear Ted:
    Are Jennifer Garner's kids such a huge draw that photographers regularly stake out a school and farmers markets so they can sell those big dollar photos? Considering the movies that Ms. Garner has put out in the last few years, the bulk of her image is as a wholesome mom, which has been built on those very photos. Basically, I'm skeptical that she really hates the paps that much, but I'd totally believe that she'd say something like that to help control her image.
    —Bridget

    Dear Celebrispawn:
    First things first: Little Violet is a paparazzo's dream. She's adorable and always willing to show a smile when she's out and about. That said, Jen's pretty serious about this. Sure, she might notice a dip in her image visibility, but it certainly won't be a nosedive. But the real question isn't Jen's seriousness. It's whether the paps will actually listen.

    Dear Ted:
    Just have to say that Emma Roberts is obnoxious and talentless, and rides "someone's" coattails. Where does she get off treating Robert Pattinson like s--t on the Tonight Show? Can we look forward to seeing her disappear soon? I hope so!
    —PLM

    Dear Staying Put:
    What's with all the Roberts clan hate? Between all the mail and the comments, you kids are really not loving Julia Roberts and a few others lately. Sadly for you, PLM, little Emma is turning very important heads in Hollywood, so you'll have to get used to seeing her around, even if she does fake clash with our beloved R.Pattz.

    Dear Ted:
    Could Moisty Mohr be Larry David?
    —Shelby

    Dear Blech is Right:
    Nope. Mohr's not quite as hip-factor successful as David, but certainly the right ballpark, looks-wise.

    Dear Ted:
    I'm hopelessly in love with the following men, so kindly let me know whether any have been Blind Vices: Henry Cavill, Matt Damon, Ryan Reynolds, Ryan Phillippe, Gavin Rossdale and Jerry O'Connell. Sorry if you've already confirmed any of these!
    —Plpmoichis

    Dear Blind-Vice Batch:
    No, yes, no, yes, no and he wishes.

    Dear Ted:
    What's the story with the lack of David Slade during the Eclipse promos?
    —Evans

    Dear Total Eclipse of the Slade:
    Unless someone's an über-famous director, the general public tends not to care about who helms a feature. Besides, it's the castmembers who are selling this movie. They're the faces people want to see promoting a film—always have been, always will be.

    Dear Ted:
    I applaud you for supporting Jennifer Garner's need to get some distance between her, her children and the paparazzi. Yes, she's a celeb, but even celebs should have some rights and some privacy. Rational people support that.
    —Revonatah

    Dear Not So Fast:
    I know you all thought hell froze over, but reread my post. It's not that I like the little devil. I just respect her right to take action.

    Dear Ted:
    Is Shafterella Shoshstein Amanda Seyfried?
    —Escargo

    Dear Mamma Mia:
    Nope. Shafty is older and not as wide-eyed and fresh-faced.

    Dear Ted:
    I must take issue with the latest posts on Sarah Palin's bustline. This is not because I am a fan of hers, since I consider her to be deceitful and narrow-minded in her politics and would happily vote for one or both of your puppies before I'd give that woman my support. However, women's bodies are already constantly objectified in today's media, and posting about her possible surgery just reinforces the idea that what we do to our bodies is a valid subject for public discussion and debate, rather than a personal choice. I may despise the woman, but I do wish she was getting more flack for her politics and less for her cup size.
    —Marcia

    Dear Hold On:
    Marcia, dear, you have to understand, Palin's current publicity is probably very welcome in her camp, despite its less-than-savory themes. Now, I'm not saying it's right or wrong, but the speculation is inevitable for people in the spotlight, as I'm sure you already know.

    Dear Ted:
    Why do you dislike Taylor Lautner so much? I understand that you need to "pick a side" of this whole Team Edward-Team Jacob war, but please be honest with yourself (and your readers) and stop alluding to Taylor's poor acting in the movies. As for Taylor being too "perfect" for the media, please! Who wants to be known as a hot mess like La Lohan or Brit-Brit? Good for Taylor for keeping his nose clean at a young age and even better, keeping any teenage scandals out of the press! Leave Taylor alone for a second. It's not his fault Summit wants to pimp him and his body out for ticket sales.
    Ranyadaye

    Dear Lauding Lautner:
    I really don't think I've picked on Tay-Tay that much. And trust, love, he might be keeping squeaky clean in the press, but that doesn't mean there isn't dirt off the record.

    Dear Ted:
    How real is the relationship between Shia LaBeouf and Carey Mulligan? I've loved Shia since Disturbia, and Carey just does not seem like his type at all. Plus, in all the pictures of them together, you rarely see them smiling or really enjoying themselves. Was this a convenient setup by Wall Street director Oliver Stone, or is it legit? Do you think it will last?
    —K

    Dear Snooping Shia:
    Will it last? At least until Wall Street 2's promo sweeps are over.

    Dear Ted:
    I have to say, for a true Robsten believer I'm starting to get nervous. It seems like they took a big relaysh step at the MTV Movie Awards and now all of the interviews from the Eclipse junket are coming out with them backtracking in overdrive! What's the deal? Have we been kidding ourselves all along, or are they just that good?
    —Freaking Out

    Dear Calm Down:
    Stuff like this has been happening in the Robsten world for eons. Two steps forward, one step back. But don't worry too much. Rob and Kristen have never been more confident in their relationship—as they define it.

    Dear Ted:
    I'd like to know if any Food Network stars have been B.V.s? Those creative personalities have to be hiding some steamy secrets. Specifically, I notice one of my faves, Guy Fieri, gets along very well with some of the male chefs on Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives. I realize he's a charismatic guy, but I never notice that kind of chemistry with women. Anything there?
    —Cookie

    Dear Kinky Cooks:
    A Food Network superstar has definitely made an appearance in the B.V. catalog. As for Guy Fieri, sometimes a love for greasy food can be just as carnal as a love for other greased-up things. Don't confuse the two!

    Dear Ted:
    Are you being paid by Summit to pimp Twilight? Do you write about Twilight so much because you love it, or do you get a cut from the profit the movie makes?
    —Ally

    Dear Summit Salary:
    My mortgage is not paid off and—if I'm not taking a source out—I always make my own lunch, get real.

    Dear Ted:
    This might be a bit out of left field, but I was wondering about Sarah Michelle Gellar. She has been a favorite of mine since Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Is she as sweet as she seems? Are she and Freddie as solid as they seem?
    —Allison

    Dear Rare Love:
    They're certainly more real than most—not exactly sayin' a lot, though.

    Dear Ted:
    What is the deal with all of these Robsten breakup arguments from this weekend's press junkets? Seems to me that Today, Nightline and Kristen's sarcastic, "Oh I have a boyfriend?" were more of the sneaky nonanswers they've been giving for a long time. At the MTV Movie Awards, they looked like their usual flirty, happy selves. Any truth to this breakup talk?
    —Amdsoto

    Dear Gossip Cop:
    Are you talking about this? Check in with me later for my take on the whole damn season's overflow of breakup word vomit. It's rumor patrol time!

    Dear Ted:
    I was reading a Playboy article about Cameron Diaz, and this quote caught my eye. "On whether she could fall in love with a woman: ‘Sexuality and love can be different things. I can be attracted to a woman sexually, but it doesn't mean I want to be in love with a woman. If I'm going to be with a woman sexually, it doesn't mean I'm a lesbian. We put these restraints and definitions on people, but it's hard to define.'" What's your take on this?
    —bno1buturself

    Dear Wham, Bam, Thank You Cam:
    What's the big effing deal? Kudos to Cameron for having the guts to say it!

    Dear Ted:
    Are Maksim Chmerkovskiy and Erin Andrews a real-life couple and dating now? I always thought Maksim was gay because he's a ballroom dancer, but now after watching Dancing With the Stars this season, I don't think he is gay. Can you clarify whether they are in fact dating, and whether Maks is allegedly gay or not?
    —C

    Dear Rumba Romance:
    Erin and Maks have in fact been spotted spending time together, even though Dancing with the Stars has been over for three weeks. I'll tell you this much: Maks is the biggest womanizer on the set. And for the record, not all ballroom dancers are gay, doll. Thanks for the generalization, though!

    Love Ted? Follow @theawfultruth on Twitter.

    ________

    Check out even more of Ted's bitching in the Bitch-Back section!

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