Bitch-Back! Will Clooney Find His Soul Mate?

Readers wonder when George Clooney will meet his other half

By Ted Casablanca Jun 16, 2010 11:59 AMTags
George ClooneyFlynet

Dear Ted:
Since I equate George Clooney as my generation's Warren Beatty, do you think he will ever find his Annette Benning? I have three mixed-breed dogs that are the lights of my life, and I promote shelter adoption to anyone I meet.
—Makashec

Dear Missing Match:
You're telling me you don't think Georgey's model-of-the-moment is going to end up being the perfect fit? You might have to lower your old-school standards, babe, because the legendary bachelor is pretty content with his life, as is. All will remain as is. Hugs to the pooches!

Dear Ted:
I notice Summit shuffles around who gets to be the No. 2 boy or girl after Rob and Kristen. First Nikki had the spot, then Ashley took over. Now Dakota is holding that coveted place. Kellan was No. 2 and now he's been put out to pasture à la Nikki, and Xavier is bringing up the rear. Is this Summit playing reward/punishment games with castmembers? Does how close you are to Kristen or Rob figure in?
—J in Calabasas

Dear Revolving Door:
Summit wants to keep shuffling things up, so they're going to use whichever young star is hottest at the moment to push their fanged franchise, leaving the other kids to play catch-up. At least R.Pattz and K.Stew have their spots cemented, no?

Dear Ted:
I think I have finally figured out a Blind Vice! Jackie Bouffant is Alexander Skarsgård, at Coachella, with his, um, girlfriend, Kate Bosworth.
—P.B.

Dear Loves People:
Nice try, but Alex isn't dreamy Jackie. Jackie has been a bigger name for a lot longer than Skars has.

Dear Ted:
Cassiopeia
(my rescue tabby) and I totally heart and sympathize with Robsten. We do wish everyone would back the hell off just a bit so maybe they could be more open with their relaysh. Our question is regarding Rob's use of the word date in that dreadful Today interview. Was he employing the British definition (going out with a significant other) or the American version (going out with random people)? Cassie still has abandonment issues and finds it hard to trust, but we trust you, Ted. Can you help us out with some clarification here?
—LH

Dear Dictionary:
You and quite a few other Twi-hards were thrown into a tizzy by Rob's latest interview, but as usual, I gotta say relax, babes. The dude just wants to go out with his lady—and keep people guessing at the same time. Robsten are still on.

Dear Ted:
Cleopatra
was actually Greek and very unattractive. The real falsehood about her is that she was beautiful and Egyptian. There is an ancient coin with her face on it and she was no beauty. I don't believe Greeks are dark skinned, perhaps people are thinking of Nefertiti, who was a beautiful brown.
—Troy

Dear History Lesson:
Thanks for the reinforcement, doll, but that's what we were saying all along! Guess those Angie lovers just don't want to believe Cleopatra wasn't making People magazine's Beautiful People list back in the day.

Dear Ted:
Jensen Ackles
(and Jared Padalecki for that matter) always seemed like he wanted to avoid the paps and the fame and really just wanted to act. That seems to have changed a little. Has Danneel been an influence, or was I just way off base to begin with?
—BB

Dear Game Changer:
These fellows have always loved attention, don't let their aw-shucks personalities fool you. But once they got the taste of the tabloid lifestyle...Well, they haven't exactly been disliking it. And leave poor Danneel out if it! Her hubby loves the limelight just as much as she does, trust.

Dear Ted:
Do you know whether Christina Aguilera and Britney Spears are still friends?
—B

Dear Frenemies:
While the two pop hons aren't enemies, they're not exactly friends, either. Not because they dislike each other...They just aren't tight. They're both living very different lives, despite the career similarities.

Dear Ted:
Is Dougy-Dry Hump Hugh Laurie? My spoiled rescue kitty Rosie sends a "meow" to your household, and we both thank you for always brightening our day with your verve! Much love!
—Ann

Dear House Fan:
Nice try, but no. Dougy hasn't been as honored for his acting as Hugh has, despite arguably being the bigger star. Margo, Charlie and Cleo send all sorts of fur-flyin' love right back!

Dear Ted:
I have three adopted pups. One from the pound, one from the rescue and one from the side of the road. How many actors from the Harry Potter series have been B.V.s? I'm not really poking around for R.Pattz info. With so many big names in that series, there just has to be more dirt than Robert.
—Me

Dear Magic Vices:
Since you've got three adopted pups, I'll tell you that neither Dan, Emma or Rupert have any nasty Vices. Three for three, that's fair, right?

Dear Ted:
Any news on my favorite Blind Vice, Topher Hairy-Tuchas?
—Bunny

Dear No:
He's total boresville lately. C'mon, Topher, spice things up! Get outta that loser fake romance and go back to your fabulously slutty ways!

Dear Ted:
What's up with that certain other blogger and his hate for all things K.Stew and Twilight? Not to mention after the MTV Movie Awards his trying to "help" out her as a lesbian? I think we can all call false on this bit of info! Thoughts?
—C

Dear Pathetic.com:
Superscummy for a gay man to use lezzie as an insult, isn't it? Jealousy is all I can think of, doll.

Dear Ted:
Is Grey Goose's beard a new lady in his life, or are they more on-again, off-again?
—Mandy

Dear Beauty and the Beard:
They're pals, which is the best kind of beard. So nice of her to help her gay BFF, don't you think?

Dear Ted:
Since you work in the Hollywood scene and get to meet famous people everyday, I was wondering if you have ever adored, loved or idolized someone but then, when you met them in person, changed your mind?
—Robsten 4 Eva

Dear Reality Check:
Idolize? Nah. But there have definitely been people whom I thought a lot less of after having bumped into them (Toni Collette, Jeremy Piven). There have also been people I liked a lot more after we've met (Tom Cruise, Sean Penn). You win some, you lose some, babe.

Dear Ted:
Since Suri is literally everywhere for wearing shoes, wearing heels, wearing a pink dress, wearing a red dress and so on, I was just wondering where are Connor and Isabella? Who has custody of them and does Nicole ever see them, or is she too preoccupied with Sunday? It feels like they have been rejected for their parents' biological children.
—NM

Dear Half Right:
Tom is a fierce father to both Connor and Isabella. But Nicole? Anything that went down between her and the kids she adopted with Tom happened way before Sunday's arrival.

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