The Sex and the City girls have been clobbering boobs to abs against Jake Gyllenhaal at the box office this weekend, and if you're still undecided about which to splurge on, let us save you some money: Don't see either.
If you're a die-hard SATC fan, the movie is entertaining and cute, but it hardly holds its own to the TV show—or even the first movie. Heck, we're so over it, we're ready to see a prequel that goes back to the gals' college days.
We're so excited by the idea, we've even figured out the perfect cast:
HBO/ Craig Blankenhorn, Marsland/WireImage.com
Carey Mulligan as Carrie.
Shia LaBeouf's GF is so pretty in a classy way, not the obvious "hot" way, much like Carrie Bradshaw. Mulligan has her own fab sense of style—as does Sarah Jessica Parker—that she would certainly bring to the role, and most importantly, Mulligan is leading-lady material.
HBO/Criag Blankenhorn, Junko Kimura/Getty Images
Megan Fox as Samantha.
Need we give an explanation? Meg's chatty ways about bisexuality, boys and sex is Kim Cattrall's character. Both man-eaters have relationships on their terms, not society's. Oh, and Meg standing up to Michael Bay is a move straight from Samantha Jones' playbook.
HBO/Craig Blankenhorn, Jon Kopaloff/FilmMagic
Kristen Stewart as Miranda.
K.Stew is a serious babe, as is Cynthia Nixon's workaholic character. Stewart prioritizes responsibility and work first, but in the end, it doesn't get in the way of love. Guess that mean's Robert Pattinson will have to be Steve!
HBO/Craig Blankenhorn, AP Photo/Jason DeCrow
Lea Michele as Charlotte.
The Glee star would master the role as the hopelessly romantic, prude and very gorgeous Charlotte York. Not only are Lea and Kristin Davis' looks pretty on par for their age diff's, but Lea's totally got Char's attitude, innocent until proven guilty, down pat.
HBO, Jamie McCarthy/WireImage.com
Lindsay Lohan as Magda.
Who can forget Magda, Miranda's elderly cleaning lady. At this rate, Lohan is going to wind up Kristen Stewart's maid. Girl can't land any other paying job. But hey, positive thinking, maybe Lindsay's wrinkled and tired face can give her the edge for some older roles.
And let's get real, since nobody repackages other people's ideas better than Hollywood execs, the above is probably more of an eventuality than a joke—that is, unless the SATC producers can pull a miracle out of their tired hats and make a third installment that actually doesn't insult its audience—or it's actresses.
Until then, think you all can do better casting? Of course you do. Bitch about casting Kristen as Miranda and who would be better for the roles in the comments below!