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    Bitch-Back! Is Leo Ready to Pop the Question?

    Leonardo DiCaprio, Bar Refaeli WireImage House/Getty Images

    Dear Ted:
    Leo DiCaprio
    and Bar Refaeli make a beautiful couple. Recently, they are seen out together more often. How serious is it between them? Do you think he will marry her? What do his friends think of her?
    —MC

    Dear Bachelor Status:
    Totally hot couple, and it's definitely more serious than any of Leo's other relayshes, but it'll take quite the gal to lock Leo down—and Bar is definitely up for that challenge. As for Leo's buds, what does any dude think of his pal's superhot model GF? They definitely like having her around. My predix: no wedding.

    Dear Ted:
    I just finished watching Oprah with Rob, Kristen and Taylor. I totally love Kristen. She is so sweet. Oprah asked Taylor (only) about his perfect woman. Did not ask Rob. Why do you think she would exclude him from answering this question also?
    —LAD

    Dear Great Question:
    I wonder why Oprah didn't press Rob on the status of his love life. Oh wait.

    Dear Ted:
    I'm determined to figure out David Boreanaz's B.V. but it hasn't been easy! Can you give me a little more to go on? Like if it was only one B.V. or if he's a repeat offender? Does his wife have a B.V. alias?
    —Rach

    Dear Det. Davey:
    The wife has not been an alias, and as far are more deets go? Sex and temper were involved, does that help?

    Dear Ted:
    Now that you've revealed Pat Poisonpuss as Lea Michele what happens next time some racy action happens on the set or later in her career? Will she still be called Pat Poisonpuss or will she take on a new Blind Vice identity? Love ya!
    —SB

    Dear Name Change:
    Please
    , it won't be that easy. Should Lea get all Vicey again, she'll definitely have a new name—and, between me and you, I definitely don't think we've seen this babe's final Vice.

    Dear Ted:
    You talk about Vanessa being possessive of Zac. Why does he stay? Also, if it seems like everyone is talking about Nicole Kidman's weird forehead, why isn't she doing something about that mask-y face? Also giving you a shout-out from my kitty, Bella!
    —B

    Dear Why Why Why:
    Well Zac and Vanessa are totally in love, haven't you heard? Also, they look mucho cute together and get a lot of press, so that doesn't hurt, does it? As for Nic and her frozen forehead, she thinks it looks fabulous! It's like rock-hard youth.

    Dear Ted:
    I about died when I read the latest on my favorite BV star, Me-Me. Does Tobey know what Me-Me is up to? How does he feel about it? I have a rescue dog who was abused, starved, and near death when we found him on a busy street. Now he smiles all the time.
    —J

    Dear Angel:
    Bless you for saving your pooch, that's absolutely fabulous. As far as Me-Me's antics go, of course, Tobey knows all about 'em! Why do you think they aren't a couple right now?

    Dear Ted:
    Robert P.'s birthday happened and not one peep or Tweet from any Twilight cast mates. Peter F took the time to give a shout out to Nikki, but no mention of Rob's big day. What's your take on this? Cast jealousy? Rob/Kristen/Nikki "rumored" triangle went deeper than anyone imagined and peeps have taken sides? Or, perhaps the cast are just simply respecting Robert's (and Kristen's) apparent dislike of Twitter? Cheers.
    —Keb

    Dear Follower:
    Don't fret, the Twi boys get along just fine. But why Tweet a b-day shout-out if the birthday boy won't see it? And who would P.F. @reply anyway—tho, there are plenty of fake Rob Twitter accounts who would love to have the honor.

    Dear Ted:
    I wish you'd fill us in a bit on how Britney is doing. She obviously still has "problems," but is she getting real help, i.e. therapy, or are her handlers just wringing every last dollar they can out of her. I know her dad has had his own problems and even left the family, so how exactly is he supposed to be helping her emotionally pull herself together? Seems to me she has just sort of become the family slave/cash cow. And where's mom in all this? Isn't the "boyfriend/agent" really sort of a hired gun? Am I reading this all wrong here?
    —A

    Dear Spears' Clan:
    Sure, at times it seems Brit has some questionable people around her and she's still got a few issues to work out, but look at the progress she's made in a few years. Something is obviously going well, because she's not out beating up cars with umbrellas or shaving her head. And for that I've got to say kudos, B. Also, quite frankly, the more mom butts out, the better for our Brit.

    Dear Ted:
    Has Sophia Bush ever been the subject of Blind Vice? I'm pretty sure her boyfriend has.
    —T

    Dear On-Target:
    No, she hasn't, and yes, you are correct.

    Dear Ted:
    I loved Sex in the City, both the series and the movie, but you cannot blame people for wanting those women to cover up. Carrie and the girls are fashion icons and are very sexy—even more so during their younger time. But when you're sagging like my grandmother, you need to put the fruity drinks down, take off that mini skirt and wear clothes that are more age-appropriate.
    —Lia

    Dear Ageist:
    Isn't Betty White the hottest gal in entertainment right now? Haven't you heard, Lia, senior citizen is the new teeny bopper.

    Dear Ted:
    Back when the Tiger Woods scandal broke, Joy Behar was made to apologize for a derogatory comment about Rachel Uchitel something to the effect that, "Uchitel she's a whore." Well, she it turns out she was right! After the revelation about her affair with David Boreanaz, and who knows how many more, it turns out that Joy was right! Now, doesn't Rachel owe Joy an apology? In addition to all the wives and families she has hurt, of course.
    —Amanda

    Dear Saying Sorry:
    Rachel is definitely getting quite the rep, huh? Guard your husbands, ladies, because Rachel's still on the loose. And hey, if I were Joy, I wouldn't have apologized in the first place.

    Dear Ted:
    I have a Robsten question...You're reporting that they had an on-set spat when filming Eclipse pick-up shots in Vancouver. While I trust you when you say that everything's now kosher with the two of them, I am wondering if Summit is going nuts that their fears are coming true? You've reported countless times in the past that Summit is afraid that their relationship could bring drama to the Twilight Saga set. So are they concerned now that it's actually happened? Love your column!
    —Melanie

    Dear Nightmares:
    Summit can blame Robsten and their relaysh all they want, but when it comes down to it, the studio is the biggest problem when it comes to on-set drama. And that's saying a lot, with such a young and horny cast.

    Dear Ted:
    What is wrong with Katie Holmes. I mean, besides the fact that she married Tom Cruise. Have you seen the latest pictures of her and Suri? With all of the money they have, you would think she could afford a brush for her daughter's hair! And on top of that, Suri is still drinking from a bottle? What happened to Katie? I liked her so much more when back in the Dawson days.
    —Tammi

    Dear Katie Then and Now:
    Are you trying to say marrying Tom Cruise makes you go bizarro?

    Dear Ted:
    Is Channing Tatum Buck Me-Good? I hear he is a major flirt.
    —Melia

    Dear Get Your Flirt On:
    Nope, Buck isn't the marrying type—at least not right now.

    ________

    For more of Ted's wit, head on over to our Bitch-Back! section.

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