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    Bitch-Back! Hey Newsweek Writer, Ef You!

    Neil Patrick Harris, Glee Michael Yarish/Fox

    Dear Ted:
    I'm sorry, but anyone who claims that an out of the closet gay male cannot be a believable leading man has obviously never watched How I Met Your Mother. Neil Patrick Harris is phenomenal in the role of Barney! I swoon over him every week.
    BB

    Dear Gets It:
    I'm sure the Newsweek writer is super open-minded, but just doesn't have a TV.

    Dear Ted:
    Love you so much for revealing the B.V., gives me hope for more! But I have two theories as to maybe why you revealed. The first is to do with Twitter. You twittered that if you had a buck for every time a PR person lied to you and the very next tweet you announced you were making the reveal—are they related? Some Awful Truth Awful Revenge! The second is that you revealed Lea Michele now because it was very easy and you want to give her a harder to guess nickname because you have found out bigger dirt? Whatever the reason, thanks! Keep up the goss and your work on behalf of the furry creatures.
    AJ

    Dear Overeager:
    Hate to break it to ya, babe, but the tweet wasn't exactly Glee related. Think more Twilight. And I don't doubt that Lea will make a triumphant return to our B.V. section. With her big star like hers on the rise, it's an inevitable fate of Hollywood's key players. 

    Dear Ted:
    I read an account that Bradley Cooper flipped out when he (mistakenly) thought an extra had snapped a pic on set. Would you be surprised?
    AS

    Dear Egomania:
    Uh, no I wouldn't. Bradley is an actor, right? Still he's no David Boreanaz. The Coop's B.V. has nothing to do with his temper.

    Dear Ted:
    I really love Orlando Bloom, he is funny, low-key and likable. Do you like Orlando? How pretty is he in person? I think you crush on him like I do.
    C

    Dear Full Bloom:
    Darling, how can you not be a fan of someone with that bod and face? But the question is: Would you still be crushing on him if you knew what skeletons were in Orly's closet?

    Dear Ted:
    I've been reading a lot about the backlash the appalling Newsweek article by Ramin Setoodeh has had on the gay community, but it has come to my attention that most people have failed to see how ridiculous the article is, considering Mr. Setoodeh contradicts himself in the first place. His statement of gay men who are already out of the closet not being able to be "believable" when portraying straight, is completely contradicting to his other statement about how gay men should stay in the closet if they want to successfully portray nongay characters. So which one is it, then? If gay men, according to this bigot of a man, can't successfully play straight roles, what difference does it make whether they are in or out of the closet? The only thing that changes is the perception of a particular, ignorant, biased viewer, in this case, Mr. Setoodeh.
    Copeto

    Dear Go Girlfriend:
    And you're not writing for Newsweek because...

    Dear Ted:
    I read that you said that you like Ryan Phillippe. Same here, although I haven't actually met him. What I like, besides that he is hotter than hell and a very good actor, is his attitude. Did you read his interview in Advocate? He revealed that he went to SXSW film festival to premiere MacGruber with his best gay friend and that they ended the evening in a gay bar. He calls his gay fans much cooler than his straight fans because no one there made a big deal or reported it to the press. When asked what he would have done if the gossips had gotten a hold of that info, he replies, "Who cares in this day and age?" What a cool dude.
    Patricia

    Dear Friend of the Gays:
    I'm sure Newsweek would have adored getting hold of that info. And I wonder if Reese is as open-minded? I would say yes.

    Dear Ted:
    Has Nevis Divine changed teams since his younger days and now started dating one woman?
    Leo

    Dear Multiplayer:
    I don't think Nevis really believes in teams. Isn't that the point of his no-shame same-sex Blind Vice?

    Dear Ted:
    I was reading on Showbiz Spy that Rob has another girlfriend, and it is not Kristen. They also wrote that Kristen does not have a boyfriend at all and that Robsten is all publicity for the sake of selling tickets. Can you please settle this once and for all. I hate to be made a fool of when we Robsten fans are enjoying this ride.
    Miri

    Dear Straight Up:
    Uh, I wouldn't buy into that article, darling.

    Dear Ted:
    I am stumped on Chet Chick-Muncher. Kiefer Sutherland, perhaps? P.S. Yes, I have a dog.
    Kel in the ATL

    Dear So Close:
    Fab guess dear. Really, bravo. Which is why it's hard for me to crush your dreams and say no. Think tad more A-list.

    Dear Ted:
    Thanks to you and the comments by your readers, my next pet will be a rescue. I absolutely promise. Can't rescue yet though, as I still have human babies I am raising and I know my limits. Can you please answer me this: Does Crotch Uh-Lastic have any other hobbies that may have subjected him to the land of Blind Vice, or is his only secret the fact that he likes the peen?
    S

    Dear Spare Time:
    Can you be more hobby specific darling? Does swimming count?

    Dear Ted:
    I love watching Nancy Grace. She is always the crusader for the underdog and victims and their families. Has she been a Blind Vice recently?
    F

    Dear Ummm...:
    I'll ignore some of what you typed because I'm in a good mood today. That would be a negative.

    Dear Ted:
    Am I the only one who thinks George Clooney and Meryl Streep would make the ultimate couple? I know she's married and all but...it's just a thought
    Ailish

    Dear Power Duo:
    Unless Meryl uses that talent of hers and gets a degree in rocket science, builds a time machine and makes herself 30 years younger it ain't happening. We all know how Georgey likes his ladies. But it's a fun thought!

    Dear Ted:
    As far as I know, Jake Gyllenhaal has never spoken publicly about Heath Ledger (nor does he need to), but since they were close friends, I wonder what affect Heath's death had on him and how's it's impacting his professional (can you imagine Heath in a Prince of Persia?) or personal life. Thoughts?
    Jas

    Dear Yes and No:
    Jake has talked about it a little bit in the media, basically what a hard time it was on him (rightfully so). Check out his GQ issue. I think Jake would have done Persia even if Heath were alive.

    Dear Ted:
    A quick point to defend Jake Gyllenhaal on the Jonathan Ross show in the U.K. I don't know if you know Jonathan Ross over there in the U.S., but over here, he's a real TV personality who can be a great interviewer—he banters and has fun with his guests and it can be a laugh. But with both Adam Lambert and Jake Gyllenhaal, he was embarrassing. He had obviously done very little research on either Lambert or Gyllenhaal, so the interviews had an awkward, repetitious quality. And frankly, if Jonathan Ross threatened to kiss me, I'd feel like gagging, too. So I don't know about the rest of J.G.'s press tour for Prince of Persia, but on Jonathan Ross, at least, I understand why he might have been a bit uncomfortable. (And he retaliated with J.R.'s iPad at the end of the show—I approve!) There was no way J.G. was going to relax with a massive summer blockbuster riding on his shoulders. Let's give the guy time.
    Anna

    Dear Point Taken:
    I really do heart my Jake, trust. I'm sure there are plenty of other things on his mind right now, too.

    Dear Ted:
    I heard that Leo DiCaprio and Bar Refaeli are on their way to get married this year. Is this true?
    Mobey

    Dear Doubtful:
    Not if Taryn Ryder has anything to do with it.

    ________

    For more of Ted's wit head on over to our Bitch-Back section

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