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    Morning Piss: Angie Needs to Kick Newsweek's Ass

    Jonathan Groff, Angelina Jolie Jason Merritt/Getty Images; John Shearer/WireImage

    Newsweek is so funny. They've got this hysterical piece out claiming that gay people shouldn't be allowed to play straights.

    This is a joke, right? Apparently not.

    EW got so incensed about it, they ran a story which mentioned the fab Kristin Chenoweth getting so incensed about it as well. Some moron at Newsweek actually makes the claim that openly gay actor's private lives are "distracting" for audiences, specifically Glee's fabulous Jonathan Groff, who the Newsweek Neanderthal thinks must be playing a "secretly gay" guy on the show, even though he's not.

    The author then goes back in time (in many ways) to site how all of Rock Hudson's movies wouldn't have been believable had audiences known he was gay, and he therefore gives his homophobic seal of approval that that's the way things should continue. What's next, a call for Hillary Clinton to resign as Secretary of State and go back to baking the cookies she never made in the first place?

    Look, you imbecilic Newsweek editors, the fact that you let this piece run is transparently obvious: You wanted attention. Fine you got it. Shame on you.

    But finish what you started and get the real pay-dirt readership firestorm going:

    If you're going to call for a ban on gays playing straights, you should also call for the opposite:

    Demand that Sean Penn, Philip Seymour Hoffman, Hilary Swank, Charlize Theron and Tom Hanks, among others, return their Oscars forthwith—just for starters. And then make Meryl Streep say that she would never dream of conjuring up her hot kiss with Sandy Bullock for any of her future straight love scenes. The fair play on this one is endless, you jerks.

    Oh, and one more thing: If the private lives of real-life gay actors are so "distracting" to watch while they're doing their day jobs, can you please explain why when I watch the Salt trailer, all I can see (still) is Angelina Jolie stealing Brad Pitt from Jennifer Aniston, not eating (still) and adopting way too many kiddos. In other words, everything but the role she's playing?

    Yeah, exactly. And since Jolie's famous for saying she and Brad wouldn't get hitched until gays are permitted to legally marry, I think this is the perfect punisher to send over to Newsweek's New York offices. That is, if they haven't been rioted apart, already.

    Follow @theawfultruth on Twitter.

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    Know what else pisses Ted off? Find out here!

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