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    Bitch-Back! OprahGate Continues!

    Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, Oprah Fred Duval/FilmMagic; Dan Herrick/ZUMA Press

    Dear Ted:
    I love you like a fat kid loves cake...nay, I love you like a Twi-hard loves Robert Pattinson. But I was at Oprah on Wednesday and am also the administrator of Twilightish.com, which recently became Summit-approved. Do you really think an Oprah insider would risk their job to oust Robsten? Even as audience members we had to sign NDAs.
    Twilightish

    Dear Overprotected:
    Which is exactly why Oprah's people had a major freakout last Friday, saying it all wasn't true—which is so not the truth. It's hardly comforting to know some people (who sign confidentiality agreements as well) still talk. But enough people knew about the Robsten stuff prior to the taping that it wouldn't out our source, trust. Hell, who doesn't believe Rob and Kristen are an item? And what can I say, everyone loves their Robsten goss! (Also, this isn't exactly the first time Oprah hasn't told all sides of a story.)

    Dear Ted:
    It's my birthday today (the big 2-0!) and I've been a loyal reader for almost two years. For my B-day present, could you give me some juicy info on Nelly Fang? Big vamp fan here! Love ya lots.
    B in Alaska

    Dear Ageist:
    Only because you're inching closer to your quarter-life crisis. Nelly is still slaying the dudes behind the scenes, trust. Honestly, he really just screws whoever (men or women) he wants, when he wants! He's just more careful about it than his wholly het counterparts like Jesse and Tiger, that's all.

    Dear Ted:
    You answered a question recently regarding a perceived double standard in Kelly Clarkson being heavier and you noting she was healthy, etc. (No need for me to rehash the whole post.) Nobody can even imply there isn't a double standard there. Howard Stern (love him or hate him, his honesty often gets mistaken for cruelty) pointed out that Gabourey Sidibe was a terrific actor but will struggle to find another role of that quality due to her weight. Of course, instead of listening to his message, which was that not only is Sidibe hurting her health, but Hollywood has zero time for anyone over 100 pounds, he was raked over the coals for insinuating she was obese. It's a bizarro reverse bias. People can whistle through the graveyard all they want, but the girl is unhealthy and it will hinder what could/should be a brilliant career. Isn't that obvious?
    Bababooey

    Dear Point Taken x2:
    There's a couple things going on with the Stern-Sidibe stuff. First off, he did take it a little too far in picking on Gabby's looks. The babe is talented, I have zero doubt she will have a career after Precious. Will she struggle to get out of being typecast? Yes, but then again, that happens to tons of actors for different reasons. I think Gabby doesn't need to be a size zero, but to be healthy—it sure wouldn't hurt her to lose a couple pounds. Just as long as her reasons for doing so aren't because she feels the pressure of conforming to Hollywood's stereotypical idea of what beautiful is.

    Dear Ted:
    Since you were called out by GossipCop, I was wondering if you wanted to return the favor. For a group that touts itself as "policing Hollywood and celebrity news," do you think GossipCop has a conflict of interest in its reporting of the Twilight series information, considering they are founded by Dan Abrams, who also established Abrams Research Group, which has partnered with the PR firm working with Twilight's studio to handle facets of the Twi series promotion/marketing? Do you think they should post a disclaimer regarding that "cousin company" relationship?
    Six Degrees of Separation

    Dear Informed:
    Wow, someone has done their homework! You are most wise, Six.

    Dear Ted:
    I'm hearing rumors that Jensen Ackles and fauxance Danneel Harris may have already sneakily tied the knot this weekend. Personally, I can't see Danneel willingly giving up that much free PR (especially when it would defeat the purpose of the whole ceremony). But I was hoping you could give us your input on the situation.
    Enid

    Dear Mix-Up:
    Wrong, darling. The wedding's very soon.

    Dear Ted:
    Love your column and I can't seem to stop myself from reading it when I'm supposed to be working. This is my first time emailing, but I have to ask: Has Halle Berry ever been a Blind Vice? I heard the spilt between her and her model boyfriend is getting ugly.
    Alanna

    Dear Virginal:
    Nope, Halle may not be behaving all perf-like for this breakup, but she's hardly a notorious character type from days gone by, and no, she is not a Blind Vice character. Halle's been treated horribly in the past; give the girl a break if she isn't handling this bust-up like a PR pro.

    Dear Ted:
    What happened to Hugh Jackman lately? He doesn't look happy and seems to have lost one of his rings. And he and the wife are seen everywhere together.
    Lilian

    Dear Watchmen:
    Babe, Hugh's a professional, he would never air his behind-the-scenes problems so publicly. He'll be the last Aussie to do that, promise.

    Dear Ted:
    Has Ryan Phillippe ever been a Blind Vice? If so, what would it take for me to get you to give us a hint? What's next for him romantically? And is he nice?
    Ry-curious

    Dear Shy Guy:
    Yes, Ry's been in a Blind Vice but it was shared. And actually, despite his player ways, I am a fan of Ryan's.

    Dear Ted:
    Could Chet Chick-Muncher be Michael Douglas? Am I close? And why is his moniker Chick-Muncher when in the Blind, he's certainly not munching chicks!
    Carola

    Dear Different Levels of Gay:
    No to Mikey. It gets confusing to keep up with what "straight" means by Hollywood standards. Chet isn't gay. He just gets so messed up that he'll pretty much do anything when he's that blacked out from alcohol and drugs.

    Dear Ted:
    I just love who the studly Robert Downey Jr. seems to be. We all know he's had his public problems, but does he have a Blind Vice?
    Meghan

    Dear Iron Man:
    But of course! Heart him, too.

    Dear Ted:
    So I have a question about Skarsworth (I can't believe I just wrote that. Ugh.) Anyways, have they actually come out yet and said they're dating? I mean, it's not really a secret when you prance around together 24/7. Kate seems head-over-heels giddy about him, where Alex seems "meh." Is that what's kinda going down? I know you said it won't last that long...but from previous sightings, they've already been together about 8 months.
    Vanessa

    Dear FWB:
    First off, Kate and Alex are mutually benefiting from their friends-with-benefits arrangement. I wouldn't say it's totally one-sided, actually. And sure, maybe they've been "together" that long but it's hardly monogamous. It's as you said—dating.

    Dear Ted:
    I refer to Friday as "Blind Vice Day," so imagine my profound disappointment last Friday when I logged onto the Awful Truth and didn't find a gossip story for me to decode! Ted, are you feeling OK? If you are, I think you owe me an extra juicy Vice, as well a hint to one already posted. For example, did Fey Oiled-Tush's first wife know about his true orientation before she married him?
    Your Biggest Fan

    Dear Not a Fan of Change:
    I have to keep you readers on your toes, right? Plus, I've given you tons of Vices in the past two weeks, what with all the damn Bonus Blinds (and then there was yesterday's Blind Vice reveal). Figured we could all use one day off from closeted sex. Right?

    Dear Ted:
    I loved your article about Rob and Kristen coming clean to Oprah. I don't know how people can doubt they are together. How are things with Breaking Dawn coming along? Has Summit decided how many movies they are making and if at least one will be rated R or along the lines? Love ya!
    Sandy

    Dear Over It:
    Glad you enjoyed it! And for the record, Oprah didn't demand that Rob and Kristen fess up, she just has a way of getting the truth out, whether it's on air or not. Isn't that why we love her? As for Breaking Dawn, Summit really is waiting to hear what Bill Condon thinks about it being one or two (or three?) movies before they decide. Also there's some other drama going on, but surely you don't want to hear about that, right? And as much as we all wish it would be R for the kink scenes, it most definitely will not. They need to keep the young audiences coming to the theater, babes.

    Follow @theawfultruth on Twitter!

    ________

    For more of Ted's wit, head on over to our Bitch-Back! section.

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