Burning Q's: Jonas Bro Theft & Way Broke Stars

Did Selena Gomez steal Nick Jonas from Miley Cyrus?
—J.D.

Selena Gomez? The baby-faced 15-year-old? Oh, come on. How can a zygote steal a fetus from an embryo? Honestly, people. I step out for three seconds and the quality of your questions just plummets. Plummets! Let's dispose of them quickly and neatly in a new round of Burning Q's.

Why are there so many reports of broke celebrities? A lot of them earned millions during their careers—where did all of this money go?
—M.M., Colorado

Actually, once A-listers pay off their "teams"—agents, managers, business managers, attorneys—and taxes, they're left with only 10 to 15 percent of their paychecks, one manager tells me.

So if a movie star gets $15 million a film, that's $1.5 million left over. You and I could live quite well on that. That is, unless you're a twit who needs—just needs—a compound in the Malibu Colony, a pied-à-terre in London and a place in the Bahamas. (Malibu Colony homes, popular with the Paris Hilton crowd, go for about $18.5 million, unless you rent.)

Don't forget the household staff, which stars also feel they just need, need, need: assistants, nannies, security, trainer, nutritionist, butler. Throw in the flying monkeys at the high-powered publicity firm, which can set a star back maybe $55,000 a year. And then add a few shady so-called friends from back in the day who come strolling by with their hands out, and—starting to get the picture?

What is going on with R. Kelly? What is taking so long with this sex-tape case?
—Ann, Osceola, Kansas

Actually, despite what it may look like, this is not an episode of Law & Order: SVU. This is a real case, which means it takes time. The 2005 Michael Jackson child-molestation case took three and a half months. (He was acquitted.) Jury selection for this trial just started in May.

Hey! Am I hearing things, or did I read that that Gwyneth Paltrow works out for 40 hours a day?
—Alphea

Yes, absolutely. Forty hours a day. Because once you hit a certain level of stardom, the dweebs at the National Institute of Standards and Technology reach into a secret compartment, created by ancient astronauts and nestled deep within the atomic clock, and give you more hours. The rest of us drones have to get by with just 24 in a day. I hear Clooney gets like 1,500.

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